Meant to Be
by Moondancing Millie
Summary: AU. Suze's dad never dies, and instead her life takes a different course, one that doesn't include Jesse. But visions of another life lead her to question whether or not some things are just meant to be. [SJ]
1. Pancakes

Chapter One My name is Susannah Simon. A resident of Brooklyn, New York. And I'm a mediator. Whoopee.  
I guess you really want to know what a mediator is, right? I'd like to tell you, but the thing is- I don't know myself. Nobody's ever told me the definition. Only Madame Zara, some phony psychic told me I am one, she didn't care to elaborate.So I'm stuck here in Brooklyn, wondering what the hell I'm meant to be doing. Not that I don't love Brooklyn. New York is the most beautiful city in the world. The best pizza, outlets, the best friend (Gina) and the best mom and dad. My story starts on my seventeenth birthday. My dad promised me two weeks before, that we'd go to Long Island and eat so many pancakes that we'd burst. So we did. I was on my fourth short stack when in walked...a total hottie. Normally, I'm not one to go round swooning, but this guy made my heart leap. He had blonde hair, sweeping across his blue eyes, and was so tall, I'd be able to look up to him even in my ankle boots.

"Suze, honey, are you ok?" asked my dad, and I turned to look at my dad, and scowled in disgust at the trail of syrup hanging from his mouth.

"Uh...yeah. Can I be excused? I need to pee."

Ok, I admit it. I used the oldest trick in the book. I pretended to be playing with my hair, then "accidently" walked into him. I looked up with an innocently sorry look plastered on my face, then gave him my best smile. To say the guy looked slightly taken aback would have been the understatement of the century. But still, he smiled back and kept his eyes on me as I waltzed to the ladies.

As soon as the door was closed, I whizzed to the mirrors and flipped my hair everywhere, making it its best. Two coats of mascara and lipgloss on, and I looked hotter than the sun that tanned my sun-kissed pins.

"Hey." I felt nice, cool breath on my ear, and the tickle of hair.

"Hey," I said back, in what I hoped was a sexy, sophisticated voice.

"Wanna eat? On the house," replied the guy. So my voice had totally worked. But I couldn't blow off my dad...

Heck, it was my birthday. "Sure," I said and sat next to him on a cute little table next to the window. I turned around and mouthed "Sorry" to my dad, who looked all forlorn on his own. I have to admit, I did feel a twinge of guilt.

"What's your name?"

"Huh?" I turned back around to face the gorgeous guy.

"Name?" he repeated.

"Oh, Susannah Simon," I said sweetly.

"Cool alliteration. You live here?"

"No, I'm from Brooklyn. Whats your name? Do you live here?" God, it was like twenty questions.

"I go to college here." Oooh, a college guy. Neat. "My name is Jake Ackerman." 


	2. Swallowed Gum

Chapter 2 

"Ackerman? Where have I heard that name before?" It was ringing bells somewhere deep in my mind. I just smiled awkwardly though, instead of digging.

Jake blushed.

"Guess you get cable then," he said. "My dad's Andy Ackerman. "Handy Andy"? God, its embarrassing."

I laughed. I can totally relate to embarrassing parents. In the summer, my dad likes to swim in speedos. Not kidding.

"My dad likes the show," I replied. "And often takes leaves from his book. Let me tell you, he's so not made for DIY."

And so the conversation continued. It was totally relaxed, especially now we knew we shared the common bond of embarrassing parents.

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"Goodbye, Suze Simon," smiled Jake, as I gave him my number. "I'll call you."

_I'll call you_. The most-used line a guy says. I wasn't holding out much hope for Jake calling me. He may be totally cute, but he's still male. He won't even remember my name once he gets back to college. Instead he'll make out with some sorority girl at an outraegous party or something. Ugh.

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I was listening to the radio while doing my Trig homework ( my dad said he'd cut my allowance if I fail again this semester) when my mom called up the stairs.

"Honey! A Jake Ackerman is on the phone for you!"

Smooth, Ackerman. Four days after. I'm surprised. Maybe Jake isn't just some guy. I cleared my throat then picked up the reciever.

"Hello? Suze speaking."

"Hey, gorgeous!"

Nice! Slightly creepy, but you know, nice.

"Hey Jake! What brings you to the telephone?"

"You, of course. Wanna hang this weekend?"

"Hang?" I asked. "As friends? Or...more?"

"I'm thinking more," he replied. "Pick you up at seven? Saturday night?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I said, trying not to laugh . "No can do."

"Half-seven. Be there or be square, Simon. Later."

And he hung up. Damn! He saw right through me playing hard-to-get. I have to phone Gina.

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"Hey, G!"

"Hey, girlfriend! What up?"

"I-got-a-date!" I squealed down the phone, unable to contain my excitement.

"Neat! Who with?"

"A college guy..." I gloated.

"You dog!"

Makes a change to be called a dog. Its normally Gina. And thats not all she's called. Anyway, she came over and made me up. I have to say, I looked hot. Gina should totally get a job as a cosmetic technician or something. She's not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer - she's failing trig _and_ bio!

Jake arrived bang on seven thirty, in an awesome Camarro. Alpine stereos, the lot.

"Not too shabby, Ackerman," I said, shooting a dazzling smile.

"Thanks," he replied. I have to admit, his smile isn't too off-putting either.

Anyway, we went for a romantic walk on the beach, and talked. Jake's taking computer engineering at college, because he doesn't really think he likes anything else. He asked me what I planned on doing, and I said maybe clothes designing and be the next Coco Chanel. I know, a typical girl answer, but I do love my designer labels!

After our enriching coversation on the beach, we went for pizza. Boy, do I love pepperoni!

I kinda regretting the pepperoni though, as Jake took my hand on the walk back to the car. Thinking fast, I slipped some gum into my mouth. I looked into his beautiful blue eyes, and then noticed he was chewing too.

"I really like you, Suze Simon," he said, quietly, stroking my fingers. "You're just so...unique. Not like the chicks back on campus. They're all...fake."

I didn't really know what he was saying, but I took it as a compliment. Being not fake is better than being fake, anyway.

As I was still trying to work out Jake's speech, he pulled me closer and kissed me. This is so completely dorky to admit, but it was my first real kiss. Five christmases ago, a kid in my grade pushed me under some mistletoe at our high school dance and kinda smushed me, but that didnt really count. This kiss was warm and soft, and kinda minty. His hands were like silk as they slid around my waist and pulled me closer. I was so into this whole making-out-with-a-college-guy thing. Then, the amazing sensation ended, and we pulled apart. Then I started giggling. God, I am such a freak.

"Whats up?" Jake asked.

"I swallowed my gum," I laughed.

Jake grinned cheekily. "Me too," he replied.

Could the evening get any better?


	3. Pizza and Kisses

**A/N I changed the plot, because it was getting too similar to Meg Cabot's. The true meaning of Meant to Be will become clear soon, I promise.**

Chapter 3

"Honey, is Jake staying for dinner?"

My mom asks this every Friday night when we order in pizza. She has the memory of a gnat, I swear.

"Duh, Mom. He has stayed every Friday for like, 6 weeks."

"Sorry. Have you heard from your dad? He left work an hour ago, but he's still not home. I guess he's held up by Long Island traffic."

A confused look twisted around Jake's mouth.

"Long Island normally doesn't have traffic this time of the evening. Its great for getting dim sum. I can be back on campus in 20 minutes."

I nudged Jake in the ribs, as I could tell Mom was getting seriously worried. I dragged him into the lounge to "discuss pizza toppings."

Its great having a boyfriend. It makes me go all warm and fuzzy just thinking about how he kisses my cheek everytime we say hello, and when we're talking, he squeezes my hand. Also, it helps that he's so hot and the best kisser I know. Not that I've kissed that many guys, as we established. Still, he's just so there...

"Pizza's here! Suze, come and get your pepperoni! Jake, margherita or spicy?"

"My youngest brother kinda worked on me to become veggie, so margherita," said Jake. "My brother has an IQ bigger than my dad! He filled me in on meat packing industry and animal treating. Its so completely gross."

"Ew," I said, through a mouthful of pepperoni pizza.

"Ew," mimicked Jake, and I was forced to mock-punch him. I swallowed through laughing, but it was a good thing I did, as Jake grabbed me and laid the biggest smacker on me, I swear my eyes nearly popped out.

"Suze!" screeched my Mom, and me and Jake tore apart.

"Mom," I wailed, kinda pathetically. "We were busy!"

"Suze!" she repeated. "Your dad's... cheating on me!"


	4. Fuschia Lipstick

**A/N Thanks for the amazing reviews, guys, and thanks for the responses to the notes I sent. I hope the whole edited chapter 3 wasnt too confusing. I want to dedicate this chapter to Inara Cabot, a reader and reviewer.**

Chapter 4

"Huh?" I asked stupidly. "How did you work that out?"

"Well," replied Mom, her voice faltering a bit. "He's not home...and um... he's always home before seven... and-"

"Honey, I'm home!" called my dad's jolly voice. I shot my mom a I-never-believed-you-anyway look. Jake just stood there holding my hand, a little confused.

"I got takeout! Suze, its thai, your favourite!"

I let go of Jake's fingers and ran towards my dad. I love him, he always puts me before him. And the smell of that food was gorgeous.

"Hey, Meg," said my dad, leaning to kiss my mom's damp cheek. "Have you been crying?"

"Um...no, I just washed my face. How was your day?" I could tell my mom was embarrassed. As Jake emerged from the lounge, I could tell he was a little rosy too.

We sat down to eat. It was funny watching Jake tackle noodles with chopsticks. I, however, am an expert. Afterwards, I walked Jake to our front door, and kissed him goodnight. He's the greatest guy I have ever known.

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"Where is your father?" asked my mom impatiently, while I was watching Friends.

"How should I know?" I replied irritably, plucking popcorn from my bowl. "He better be bringing more than takeout this time."

"Yeah," said my mom, distractedly. This wasn't the second time my dad was late home. This was the tenth. Not that I'm counting.

Twenty handfuls of popcorn later, my dad came through the door.

"The traffic tonight!" he cried, dropping his briefcase. My dad works in Manhattan as a lawyer. Normally, he's home normal time, as theres not much traffic. It wasn't just me who found this suspicious. My dad was up to something. Maybe a second honeymoon for him and my mom...

Maybe not, my dad's not that romantic. I phoned Jake.

"Was there loads of traffic around tonight?" I asked. He works part-time for a pizza place, so he notices stuff like traffic.

"No..." he replied slowly. My eyes opened wide. My dad lied!

"Are you ok, Suze?" Jake had obviously noticed my silence.

"Um," I replied, horrified to find my voice cracking, and tears flowing. "I have to go, Jake. Bye."

Before I put the phone down, I heard Jake yell -"Call me!"

He really is so sweet.

Concentrate, Suze. Your parents' marriage is jeopardy.

Why am I talking to myself?

I ran into the lounge, where my mom and dad were watching TV. Once my parents established I was in the room, my dad stopped smiling, and stood up to stroke my damp cheek.

"Suze," he said. "You're crying. Why?"

"Um," I said. Because what could I really say? I'm crying because my mom has poisoned my mind? I settled for saying, "I...er...got stuck on math homework."

I knew neither my mom or dad would fall for that, because I'm not that pathetic, but to my surprise, they seemed satisfied. The worry that Mom had planted into my mind was almost faded, until I looked up from sniffling into my dads shoulder, when I saw a faint fuschia lipstick smudge on his neck. Nobody in my family even owns a fuschia lipstick, let alone wears some.


	5. Broken Mugs

**A/N Awesome reviews, guys! This is probably my best story! Thanks, its really nice to know people read my stuff. This chapter's dedicated to emm-is-da-bomb, who shares my first name, and rocks my socks!**

Chapter 5

"Suze, please come out of your room!" My dad was banging on my door. I wouldn't come out. I hadnt seen the duck egg blue walls of the hall since yesterday evening. Boy, was I hungry. Still, I was taking a stand.

So was, it appeared, my mother. My dad was forced to camp out in the lounge on our sofa, as my mom locked her room too. Really, the power of one lipstick smudge is incredible.

I heard my dad bang on my mom's door.

"Meg!" he cried. "Megan! Open this door now! Can you girls tell me what this is about?"

I heard the rush of air as my mom flung open her bedroom door.

"You don't know what this is about?" she shrieked. "Can't you even guess?"

"No," said my dad blankly.

"If you're not even going to admit to it, you deserve this even more than I thought," replied my mom justly, and I heard a sharp slap and a "Aaargh!" from my dad. I cowered in my room against my bed. This couldn't be happening to me. My mom and dad were the people I'd always looked up to. I couldn't find fault with either of them. But then yesterday my dad went from superhero to superzero, and mom went from Wonderwoman to Happy Slapper. I found myself crying again, huge salty tears leaking constantly down my cheeks. I loved my dad so much, I never thought I'd find a guy as great as him. Today I could think of a million. I pulled my duvet over my eyes and cried myself to sleep.

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I woke before the sun was even up. I lay awake in my bed, pondering over my thoughts, wiping tears away, stifling laughs about Jake, quietly sniffing. Then, when my clock showed 6:00am, I rolled out of bed, and pulled on something. I was so depressed, I cant remember what. I just knew I was black, ironically appropriate.

I stumbled into the dusky kitchen and poured myself some coffee. I couldn't eat anything, not even the bagels my dad brought home last night, to throw my mom off the cheating scent. Smooth move, dad, but obviously not smooth enough.

"Hey Susie, up already?"

My dad walked in with huge dark circles underneath his eyes. His hair was all tousled, like he'd tossed and turned all night. Well, obviously. I couldn't sleep, and I wasnt the one on the verge of divorce.

"Get much sleep?" he asked, taking my hand.

"What do you think?" I snapped, and snatched my hand away.

"I'm sorry Suze, I didnt want all this to happen. You to become upset, your mother becoming hysterical-"

"Well then you shouldnt have gone off with a pink lipsticked slag, should you?" I yelled, and I ran upstairs, dropping my mug of coffee and let it smash into a million pieces.

"Suze!" I heard my dad shout. "Suze!"

He caught up with me on the landing and grabbed my shoulder.

"Don't be dramatic, honey. Lets sit down and discuss this like adults."

"Get OFF me!" I shrieked, and I thrust my elbow backwards to meet with his gut. I turned around and started beating his chest with my fists.

"How could you do this to me and Mom, Dad? Dads are supposed to teach their daughters to drive, annoy their daughter's boyfriends, argue with their daughters about curfews, buy their wife flowers from a garage, not cheat on them, not tear their families apart. You're killing us inside, Dad, killing us!"

I suddenly realised I was beating thin air. I stopped walking fowards and dropped my arms. The bump-bump-bump of the stairs caused me to look down. There was my dad at the bottom of the stairs, head leant awkwardly against the floor.

Oh my God. I had just killed my own dad.


	6. Squeaky Keys

**A/N I know how long some of you have been waiting for this chapter, so here it is! I appreciate your reviews, and keep them coming! I dont want to write something that only 2 people will review. I want to make the big 100! Thanks,**

**armedwithapen**

Chapter 6

I didnt hestitate. I ran straight into my room and swapped my skirt for jeans. I stuffed a jersey into a bag with my cell, and high-tailed it back into the kitchen, grabbing anything from the fridge. Then, I took the keys from my dad's dressing room pocket and was out the door. I jumped over my dad and banged down the stairs, my ears just about catching the echo of a faint "Suze?" from my mom. I didnt look back though. I was on my way out of there.

No-one was about, except fancy business men in fancy suits, gabbing on fancy cell phones and ignoring me. I snuck round the back of the building to the car park and sought out my dad's Merc and rammed the keys into the lock.

The piercing screech told me I'd missed the lock and now made a slightly large dent in the side of my dad's car. I swore furiously, as now people were starting to stare. I slotted the keys more carefully into the lock, and hopped in. I'm not exactly what you called an experienced driver. My dad is too busy to give me lessons( my guilty conscience was whispering was too busy, was too busy, but I ignored it), and we weren't even close to being rich, so its not like we could afford any. Anyway, I'd watched my dad do it for seventeen years, so I had an idea. The wheels squealed and I sped off, over-turning the wheel and fiddling with the gearstick.

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"Are you crazy?" Jake hissed as I explained to him that I wanted him to pack his bags and get in the car.  
"I'm half way through my semester!"

"Please?" I begged. "I've done something terrible, I need to leave. Take me anywhere."

Jake gazed into my gleaming eyes and stroked one of my damp cheeks. I could tell he was softening.

"Fine. But dont expect me to pass the finals."

I hugged him and slid into the passenger seat. Jake joined me minutes later with a rugsack stuffed randomly.

"So, whats this bad thing you did? Failed trig again?" Jake asked, starting the engine.

"No, and thats no funny," I snapped.

"What was it then?"

"Um... I can't tell you," I replied. I know it sounded bad, but not as bad as telling him I was a possible murderer.

"Ok," said Jake. "But, Suze, you know I'll always be here."

"Thanks," I replied, and I gave him a soft kiss on the lips. Though Jake being Jake, he took this as a make-out oppurtunity and wrapped both his arms round me and started kissing me properly and passionately. This I didnt particularly mind, as it was taking my mind off things, but when his lips moved down my neck and his hands up my shirt, I pulled away and yelled "Jake!"

He raised his hands in a so-sue-me gesture and muttered,

"Fine. Next stop, California."


	7. Dusty Coughs

**A/N Thanks for the reviews, guys, you rock my socks off! I may have said that several times, but its true! Here is Chapter 7, short but sweet (not really) and shows Jake in an entirely different light. Hee hee.**

Chapter 7

I lay awake in the passenger seat, pretending to be asleep. Jake and I hadnt spoken two words since we left New York, and now we were driving through Ohio. We couldnt fly, as I had foolishly forgotton my passport, so Jake and I were taking it in turns to drive, but it was my turn 2 hours ago, so Jake was back on the wheel. Jake's dad lives in Carmel, California, so we're gonna bunk with him and Jake's brothers.

I've never been to California. I mean, I've seen it on TV, Gina makes me watch The OC every week, and I've once or twice accidently tuned into Zoey 101 (by accident, I swear!), and I've seen Goldie Hawn and Chevy Chase movies. I've just never experienced it. I dream about how I think it looks, with palm trees, beaches, and for some strange reason, a Basillica with a red dome, but I've never actually been there. Hey, just thinking about those dreams gave me a really clear vision of it. Creepy.

I dont get why Jake is bummed out, though. He was never interested in college, so it sholdnt bug him that I dragged him out mid-semester. Jeesh. Its probably because I shoved off his advances two days ago. Men, they never forget the things you want them to, but when its your birthday, they're like, "Its your birthday?". Uh.

"Suze?" Jake prodded me. "Suze, you asleep?"

"Was," I grumbled in reply.

"Sorry. Are you ready to tell me why the hell we are on the run?"

"No," I said shortly.

"Fine. But how can I be expected to drive us all the way there if you dont give me an explanation?" Jake didnt mad, but he looked ready to burst.

"Get out of the car then. Walk yourself back to Long Island. I don't care," I replied. I knew I was being short with him, but you know, he was being a guy.

"Jeesh," I heard Jake mutter. "Here comes the hormones."

"Excuse me?" I shrieked. "You know what, just turn around and go home. You obviously dont want to be here."

"Yeah, you're right. Get out of the car, Suze."

"WHAT?"

"You heard me, get out."

I pulled the blanket off me and grabbed my rugsack. I shot Jake my best mad look and stuffed the blanket into a ball and hurled it at his face.

"See you around," said Jake, and he zoomed off.

See you around. Oh my God.

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Whats funny is, when Jake drove off, I swore he would come back. But when an hour crawled by, I finally accepted I was alone, on a road God knows where. My boyfriend had abandoned me in Ohio. Ohio. As in, not New York.

I couldnt call anyone. Not my mom, because she'd want to know why I took off; not my dad, obviously; and not Jake.

I dived into my rugsack and pulled out my jersey. I was cold, and disgusted by the road dirt I'd just inhaled. I was all alone. And it was not good. I wanted my mom, Gina, my dad. But I couldnt have them by my side. And I couldnt help thinking nobody will ever be with my dad again. Because I murdered him.

I burst into tears and hugged my knees. After several more dusty coughs and millions more tears, I noticed that through the musty dirt that was whipping up around me, someone was getting closer to me. Somebody tall, strong-looking. It couldnt be my mom, she didnt know where I was. Ditto Gina. I guess it could be Jake. Only when they came closer, I realised it wasn't. Jake, I mean.


	8. The Carpet Bagged Man

**A/N A kinda disturbing chapter, so if you are sensitive in any way to disturbing scenes, please do not read. I hope everything in this chaptermakes sense, and even if you dont like it, please review, so I can take advice. I swear it will get better for Suze (eventually!) and some greater 'men' will walk into her life soon. Even if you do not read this chapter (due to above), keep reading after this one. Its quite minor compared to some FFs, as its T+ rated, but even so, I have to be careful! Keep reading, and thanks for the awesome reviews!**

Chapter 8

Nope, it definitely wasnt Jake. I dont know why I was kidding myself that it was Jake anyway. I mean, he'd thrown me out of his car nearly two hours ago. He was probably high-tailing it out of Ohio by now.

Anyway, the dude that approached me? I'd never seen him before in my entire life. He was no taller than 6ft, had dirty-blonde hair (is that even a colour?), and green eyes. I mean, really green. Like grass green. But they were all red and squinty, and his cheeks were gaunt and white. He came to me in silence, and sat beside me cross legged. Still saying nothing, he pulled a blanket out of a carpet bag and draped it around the two of us. I was more than a little freaked out. I mean, the guy was a complete stranger.

"How long you been here? Police caught you yet"  
His voice was gruff and deep. When he spoke, his dark stubble on his chin moved up and down, and his nose flared.

"Excuse me?" I asked. "I just got abandoned by my boyfriend, in a strange, unfamiliar state. I am not on the run from the cops!"

Ok, so maybe I am. But he didnt need to know that. He might get me to join some murderer cult if he knew. No, I'll keep that piece of information to myself.

"Thought it'd be something like that. Boyfriend abandoned you, mom chucked ya out, whatever. So what'd you do, get pregnant"

"No!" I shrieked. "Are you crazy? I was...taking a road trip with my boyfriend, and we got in a fight. My mom did not chuck me out. I left on my own accord."

That was kinda the truth. I did leave by choice. Admittedly, the other choice left me with the responsibility of murder, but whatever.

"OK. So you're new to the road then?" I did not know what was up with the whole question thing. The guy was a creep. A homeless creep, with a blanket shared with me. I really have come so far since I turned seventeen.

"Why do you care?" I asked rudely. Then I softened. We all know where being short got me last time.

"No reason," said the guy, just as snappy. Then he held out his hand. "I'm Ralph"

"Hey, Ralph," I replied slowly. "I'm...Suze. So are you some kind of hobo? Or a runaway?"

"Well," started Ralph, taking something out of the pocket of his brown, weathered jacket. At a second glance, I realised it was a white, rolled up tube. He lit it up and took a breath from it. Some smoke flew over to me and I coughed loudly, hoping he'd get the message. But he carried on.

"My mom was like an alcoholic, split from my dad before I was born. Then, as soon as I got my indepence at eighteen, I ran away from my crappy home life. I kinda prefer it out here. You get time to think."

"And do drugs?" I asked, nodding at the tube.

"Want one?" he asked. Obviously he had so not got the message. That thing was smelly.

"Its drugs!" I pointed out. "They're illegal!"

"Yeah, and?" said Ralph. "So's sex under sixteen, but that doesnt stop people."

He had a point. But no way was I prepared to take a puff.

"It relieves stress. And dont take this the wrong way, but you looked stressed."

"Yeah, well you would look stressed too if you murdered your own dad then got abandoned by your boyfriend."

I gasped at the memories from three days ago, my dad's awful angle, his lids half-shut, his chest not rising steadily, no pulse visible in his neck. My breaths grew shorter and faster, my heart beat faster and more and all of a sudden a hysterical feeling was rising in my throat again. Ralph was looking at me, but not in a confused or concerned way. He just reached inside his pocket for another tube and a lighter.

"Here," he said, pressing them into my shaking hand. "One wont kill you. You need it, I can tell."

I'd paid attention in Sophomore health class. I knew drugs were wrong. But memories and pain swirling in my head wouldnt go away. They were filling up an unknown space inside my soul. I guess its called guilt. But this guilt was more over powering than I'd ever experienced. I took the cigarette from Ralph and lit it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, then I drew one from it.

It tasted of all the things I hated. Blu-tack, brick dust, sour milk, garbage, animal waste, the foul things went on and on. My head went foggy and my throat burned. I felt like I was tumbling, head first into the pavement, even though I was sure I was sitting down. I dropped the tube like it was made from fire and curled up on the stone, panting and rocking, shaking my head to release my confusion and agony.

"Sue! Run, its the cops!"

I didnt feel capable of crawling, let alone running, but then red and blue lights came into focus. Two guys in blue reached out to grab Ralph, who'd headed the opposite way. I scrambled up, light-headed and disorientated and half-ran , half-stumbled away, as fast as I can. As the sirens and Ralph's protests became more and more quiet, I heard Ralph yell, "Suze! Keep running! I'll fight 'em off!"


	9. Back at the Wheel

**A/N A shorter chapter, but safe to read! Sorry its short, but I wanted to give you guys something to read while I update my other stuff too. So, enjoy!**

Chapter 9

I felt dizzy and sick, and I was hyperventilating. I'd ran about a mile straight, but I guess Ralph distracted the cops. I was sat against a hand rail, rocking back and forth, shivering. I wasn't cold, just scared out of my wits. I couldnt shake the sensation writhing through me, still present even though the experience that caused it happened over half an hour ago.

A bitter taste burned my throat and my mouth filled with vomit, which I spat copiously on the stone beside me. The blanket sat loosely on my shoulder, and I inhaled the scent remaining on it. The smell only brought back memories of that foul, foul cigarette and instantly brought another mouthful of liquid up. My brain was buzzing foggily and my fists were clenched. I'd stopped rocking, but I was still hugging myself, attempting to ward off my nightmares. A voice broke the silence around me. I whirled around quick, in case it was a cop, or worse, Ralph.

"Suze?"

I looked up into sky-blue eyes. Kind, worried eyes, covered slightly by wheat-coloured strands.

"Jake!" I sighed, throwing myself into his arms. I inhaled his Jake smell: sea salt, sand, and surfbaord foam, trying to lose the sour scent I'd breathed in before.

"Jake, Jake, Jake," I wailed, eyes shut, fingers clenching his T-shirt and crying. "I'm so sorry. But Jake, I'm so scared, so scared. I need you, please don't leave me-"

"Sssh..." hissed Jake, and he scooped me up, lifted my rugsack over one arm and carried me to the car, he'd parked 5 minutes down the road.

"I've been looking for you," said Jake in his soothing voice. "I feel so bad, abandoning you. I'm so sorry, and whatver you did to get away from New York, put it behind you, we'll start again in California."

"I can't," I moaned. "Its so terrible, so horrible, so bad. And then Ralph-"

I broke off in tears. Jake lowered me carefully into the passenger seat and took my hand.

"Who's Ralph? Did he hurt you? If he did I'll kick him to-"

"He gave me...he gave me this," I whispered, and I handed him the blanket from my shoulders. Jake looked at it and fingered its woven pattern. Then he brought it to his face and sniffed it.

"Suze, this is smoke, but not tobacco." He sniffed it again. "Definitely not tobacco. Suze, did he do drugs?"

"Um," I murmured. "Yes, but Jake-"

"Did you do them?"

I looked into his honest blue eyes and then at our hands together. I couldn't give Jake another reason to leave me.

"No Jake," I lied.

"Good. Now lets press on to sunny CA. Unless you wanna stop off at a motel and wash off?" Jake's hands were ready at the wheel.

"Motel'd be great, I need to shower all this grime off."

"Ok, but be quick, Dad's expecting us by the end of the month."

Jake started the engine and we re-joined the freeway. Even though Jake had found me and we were on our way, I still couldn't shift the guilty pulp in my stomach.


	10. Bunking with Lizzie

Chapter 10 

It didnt take us the two weeks we'd anticipated. It took us three weeks to get to Sunny CA. Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, the states just flew straight over my head. I just wanted to get to California as far away as possible from Ralph, Mom, and possibly Dad. Colorado and Arizona followed. Finally, twenty days, a hundred cappucinos and a gazillion miles later, from the Ralph/Ohio/cops incident, we drove into the outskirts of California. I felt at ease instantly. I'd found my sanctuary, I was going to meet Jake's family, and I was going to be safe.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Jake! Bring a kegger?"

In front of me stood a tall, dark-haired boy about my age. He looked muscular, and his tanned face completely ignored me.

"No, Brad," replied Jake shortly, and he stomped straight past his brother and into the hall, pulling me by the hand.

Brad took my rugsack and slammed the door behind him.

"Sorry for the sea of cardboard boxes," said Jake, kicking one out of the way. "Dad's just remarried, and we had to move into a bigger house to fit her kid in."

With or without boxes, Ninety-nine Pine Crest Road was beautiful. I'd never stayed inside a house before, and me and Grandma both owned flats. I admired the wall-papered walls and soft carpet beneath my feet then was led into the kitchen where the smell of Mexican food greeted me.

"Hey! You must be Susan!"

I shook Jake's dad's brown hand, and said, "Hello Mr Ackerman. I'm Susannah, but you can call me Suze."

"Sorry, Suze. Please, call me Andy! Do you like fajhitas?"

"I can't say I've eaten them," I replied, taking a good look at Andy. He looked just like Jake, only with stubble. Like Ralph...

My stomach lurched and I raised my hand to my mouth. Andy dropped his wooden spoon into his wok and helped me stand stubble.

"Are you ok?" he asked. "You look really pale."

"Motion sickness," I lied, dropping my hand. "I guess travelling non-stop for 20 days can be a dis-orientating."

Andy looked as if he didnt quite believe me, but he turned back to his stir-frying.

"Show Suze to her room, Jake," he said, through a mouthful of steam. "She'll be bunking with Lizzie. Is that ok, Suze?"

"Yeah, whatever," I said, still-half dazed. I followed Jake upstairs and was left at a sturdy oak-door.

"There you go," muttered Jake. "Have fun with Lizzie. "See ya at dinner." He kissed my cheek then started downstairs, whistling.

I stood there for a bit, then decided to knock. The door was answered by a girl about my height, with poker straight, layered brown hair.

"Hey," she grinned. "I'm Lizzie, Jake's stepsister. I'm guessing you're Suze?"

She stuck out a hand with painted red nails. Her cheeks were fiercely freckled, and on her lips was a thin layer of gloss. I shook her hand, and she took my rugsack from me.

"Come on in," she said, and she dumped my bag on a camper bed. I sat next to it and took off my jersey.It was a cute room, I guess, but too girly for me. It had forget-me-not dotted wallpaper, a glass topped dressing tabel, and a four-poster lace canopy bed. A real cheerleader, school-spirit squad bedroom, one my mom would have decorated for me. The walls were covered with pictures of Lizzie, in her cheerleading uniforn, with friends, at debating ceremonies. Suddenly, I had the feeling Lizzie and I weren't going to get along that great. I got up and stroked one grimy finger across her dressing table, and fingered her alphabetized DVD collection. Lizzie, I found as I turned around to face her, had been watching me with intense fascination. As soon as I caught her, however, she shook her head.

"Well, I'm popping to the shower. Catch ya later, Susie."

"Its Suze," I growled, but she ignored me and disappeared. This left me to absorb my surroundings. After being in a car for a month, it was nice to stable, but it didnt feel natural just staying with my boyfriend of two months' family. I walked over to the window seat and the view took my breath away. I'd rarely seen the sea, and the Pacific was beautiful and blue it almost hurt to look. my knees rested against the soft pink velvet seat and I brought my face closer to the window. I was lost in my gaze of the ocean, but then someone materialized right in front of me.


	11. The Ghostly Man

**A/N I reached 100 reviews! I am so happy! Carry on reviewing though, Imay even reach150! I like this chapter, as it starts to tie in with the summary. And, it has the cutest dead/alive guy ever in it! Characters based loosely on those created by Meg Cabot. I own the plot, but not the words in bold. I also (unfortunately) own Lizzie.**

Chapter 11

I screamed. I'm not a screamy chick, but I did. I mean, a guy just appeared in front of me. What would you have done, offered him tea?

His cry was startled too, but deep and quiet, not high-pitched and loud, like my shriek. He put a hand to his chest, and muttered, "_Nombre de Dios_!"

"Huh?" I asked, stepping backwards and catching my breath.

**_"Its no use calling on your higher power," I informed him as I swung the pink tasselled chair to my new dressing table around, and straddled it. "In case you havent noticed, He isnt paying a lot of attention to you. Otherwise, He wouldnt have left you here to fester for-" I took in his outfit, which looked a lot like something they'd have worn on the_ Wild, Wild, West_. "What is it, a hundred and fifty years? Has it been that long since you croaked?"_**

I shrieked again and fell backwards onto Lizzie's bed, blinking once, twice, registering what had just happened. It was like a daydream, only more vivid. The guy from the window seat leant over me, concerned.

"Are you ok?" he asked. his voice was flat and unaccented, although it was clear he was part Spaniard, as his colouring and foreign mutters indicated.

"Your dead," I breathed.

"Oh well done," said the guy sarcastically. " But what I do not understand is how I can speak to you and you can see me when I am, as you so obviously pointed out, dead. Are you one of whom they speak of?"

"Which clique are you referring to, the freaks or mediators?" I sat up, causing the dude to move out of my way.

"I'm guessing a mediator."

**_"Look," I said, standing up fast, and swinging my leg round the back of the chair. "You can do all the hanging about you want, _amigo_. Slack away. I dont care really care. But you cant do it here."_**

**_"Jesse," he said, not moving._**

**_"What?"_**

**_"You called me amigo. I thought you might want to know I have a name. Its Jesse."_**

"Jesse," I whispered. "Your name's Jesse. How did I know that?"

"I'm not sure," said Jesse, in a low tone. "But are you ok?"

"I...I keep getting these flashbacks. Only...they're not flashbacks, as I dont remember these things happening to me."

I realised once I said that, Jesse might get mad at me for not answering his question. God knew he had a dangerous face. Jesse, instead though, took my hand. It was warm (though that was impossible, he was a ghost) and callused. I dont have many dead people touch me. I see loads, but mostly I ignore them. They come to me, crying for help, but I cant help them. I dont know how.

"How many of these...things have been you had?" he asked, boring his dark, almost black, intellegent eyes into mine.

"Two," I replied. I didnt feel the same angst towards Jesse as I did in these dreams. This dude was soothing me, and I needed soothing. I wondered though, if this guy would come within 100 feet of me if he knew I'd killed someone and done drugs both within a month. "Jesse, what's a mediator?"

Jesse pulled away in surprise. "You dont know? You know you are one, but you dont know what you are? Miss, what is your name?"

"Suze," I replied. Jesse frowned at this abbreviation.

**_"What is your name?"_**

**_I glared at him. "Look. Just tell me what you want, and get out. I'm hot, and I want to change clothes. I don't have time for-"_**

**_He interrupted, as amiably, as if he hadnt heard me talking at all, "That woman - your mother - called you Suzie." His black eyes were bright on me. "Short for Susan?"_**

**_"Susannah," I said, correcting him automatically. "As in, 'Dont You Cry For Me.'"_**

**_He smiled. "I know the song."_**

**_"Yeah. It was probably in the top forty the year you were born, huh?"_**

"You know my mom?" I squealed, pulling back further.

"Not unless your mother is Conchita de Silva, like my own, or Samantha Carmichael, downstairs," he replied. "Another daydream?"

"Yeah," I whispered. "in it, you said you heard my mom call me Suzie."

"Short for Susan?" he asked. My eyes widened in surprise.

"Susannah," I said. The words tasted scary as they rolled off my tongue. "As in, 'Don't You Cry for Me'"

"I know the song." He smiled sadly.

At that moment, Lizzie waltzed through the door, hair wet.

"Hey," said sweetly. "Were you just talking to yourself?"

To save Liz the confusion I was feeling, I simply replied, "Yeah," in feigned embarrassment. I turned to face Jesse, but he had gone.


	12. Decking

**A/N Hope chapter 11 wasnt too confusing about the whole dream thing. It will play a big part, so if youre confused send me a note! Anyway, this chapter brings a couple of issues to mind. I'll leave you to decide what they are...**

Chapter 12

I woke up beside Lizzie and yawned from lack of sleep. Lizzie may be a beautiful barbie clone, but she can _snore_ for America. Jeez, I think my ears might be permanently damaged.

I sat up and saw to my surprise, Jesse leaning nonchalantly against Lizzie's bed post.

"Good morning Susannah," he said. "Are you well."

"I guess," I said. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." His gaze turned back to Lizzie. Apparently though, he was still engaged in conversation with me. "How are you finding your newly-accquired room-mate?"

"Which one?" I asked. "The guy that scared me half-to-death, or Lizzie, pyscho-cheerleader?"

"Either," he replied. He turned to me.

"I'm happy with everything," I said. "Except these weird daydreams."

"Hm." Jesse made a non-commital noise."What's it like, courting Jake?"

"I wouldnt say courting, but its cool."

"If you're not courting, why are you staying in his house?" I hated the way Jesse was so inquisitive. There is such a thing as too many questions!

"I... had an issue at home," I said, carefully.

"Of course."

With one last look at Lizzie, Jesse dematerialized.

I decided to get up and shower 15 days of dirt off. No wonder Jesse didnt want to hang around. I can't have smelled pretty.

When I emerged from Lizzie's en suite, I found her on her princess phone, gabbing away. About me, apparently.

"Yeah Kel, she's like, such a slob. Her hair was like ew, and yesterday I caught her talking-"

I smiled sweetly as her gaze met mine.

"Hey _Suzie_," said Lizzie slowly, and she put the phone down. "Are you ok?"

"I'm good. Catch ya later, skank, I'm off to breakfast."

Lizzie's mouth dropped open, but I didnt care. I wasnt in Carmel to make friends, just to avoid a jail sentence.

When I entered the kitchen, I saw Brad and the youngest Ackerman, David, chowing down bagels. I joined them, and poured myself a bowl of Special K.

"You must be Susan," said David pleasantly.

"Susannah." David was corrected, but not by me. I turned to face Brad in astonishment. "Isnt that right Suze?"

"Er...yeah," I replied, though I had to think about it.

"So sorry," said David. "What brings you to Carmel?"

I knew the dreaded question was gonna come up somewhere. Yet I hadnt prepared an answer.

"I...um...I-"

"Does it matter, Dave?" asked Brad. "Go study for Nerd Camp."

Dave hopped down from the table and left the kitchen, muttering, "I was only being nice."

"Thanks." I smiled at Brad.

"Forget it," he scoffed, and he left too. I frowned, finding myself alone, and very confused.

xxxx

Carmel was cute, but I didnt want to leave 99 Pine Crest Road. I was afraid someone may recognise me from a _WANTED!_ poster or something. I was being stupid, but I was scared. Instead, I spent my secod day in California annoying Lizzie, and listening to David's many scientific explanations. Lizzie had decided I was some kind of charity cause, and gave me some unwanted clothes. I didnt really want them, or the snide comments she shared with her friends, but I took them anyway. Jake spent most of his day working at Peninsula Pizza, and Jesse was nowhere to be found. So I was B-O-R-E-D.

That evening I decided to figure out Brad. Something was up with him, and I needed to know what, as it was bugging me. I found him in the backyard, sitting on the decking.

"Hey," I said, sitting beside him. He looked up, but then put his head on his knees again.

"Oh," he said. "Its you."

My mouth twisted, but I kept it shut. I took a deep breath and spoke.

"What's up with you? You seem a little depressed."

"Gee, thanks." His sarcasm wound me up, but I carried on.

"You know what I mean."

"Everything's up, OK?" he snapped. "My brother can get any girl he wants, and brings home someone really beautiful, just to rub it in my face. Then my new stepsister is best friends with Kelly Prescott, the most popular girl in school, so I can never relax, I always have to be cool.Then, last year, one of my partying buds died. I am never gonna reach the standards my wrestling coach has set me. You get it?"

One thing stuck in my mind from that speech. Not his whiny, pathetic voice, or his musings about Kelly Prescott, but the fact that Brad thought I was beautiful. Brad, a jock. My boyfriend's brother, thought I was beautiful. Normally, I have no time for jocks, and they have no time for me. **_So why was this sticking so much?_**

"I didnt...Jake didnt bring me home, ok?" I replied. "I did something terrible back in New York, and I had to leave. I begged Jake to take me wherever. And then I did something else bad. So I am _not _beautiful, OK?"

"What was this bad thing?" asked Brad, taking a hip-flask from his pocket which smelt strongly of alcohol. I guess Brad was pretty troubled too. "Do you want to tell me?"

I took a deep breath. I had to tell someone what I did, I was bottling up too much. But did I want to tell Brad? I guess I did.

"I...murdered my dad," I replied, then adding, "But not on purpose! He cheated on my mom, and then I was giving him an earful. Then he fell down the staris..." I broke off in tears.

Brad put his arm around me and handed me his hip-flask.

**A/N Review! You know you want to!**


	13. Under The Door

**A/N You guys rock! I am well on my way to 150 reviews! Big hello to Meg, Maz, and amyloubee, the bestest buds in the world! Also, high five to Jo-Jelly-Bean, who rocks, and thanks for mentioning me in your last chapter! You are my girl!**

Chapter 13

I looked at the flask. I looked at Brad. He was giving me alcohol. Did I want to add underage drinking to my list of achievements? And underage _binge_-drinking at that?

I gulped, still not taking the flask.

"You're so beautiful Suze," muttered Brad. "I hate to see you so troubled. Drown your worries out."

"I can't," I whispered. "My body's suffered enough abuse anyway. In Ohio, I was so depressed, I did...drugs."

I was expecting Brad to back off, but instead, he pulled me closer. "I get it," he said. "You're disturbed. Anyone would be after what you've been throguh."

His face was getting closer, so close i could taste the vodka on his breath. He was obviously drunk. He put one hand on my cheek and pulled my face closer. I shut my eyes and

**_Another step towards me. Now Jesse was right in front of me._**

**_"Especially," I said significantly, looking up at him. "from talking. That's what I especially need a day off from. Talking."_**

**_"Fine," he said. He reached up and cupped my face in my both his hands. "We dont have to talk."_**

**_And that's when he kissed me._**

**_On the lips._**

I shirieked and pulled away instantly. Why were all these...things about Jesse? Had I really kissed him? I'd barely spoken a sentence to him!

"Suze?"

Jake came runnig onto the decking, worried. Brad stashed away his vodka, and turned to face his brother.

"Suze, are you ok? I heard screaming." Jake knelt next to Brad. "Did you hurt her?"

"I-"

"No," I said calmly. "I...I saw a bug. Bugs give me the creeps."

When I was six, my dad would take me nature trailing in search of bugs. But they didnt have to know that, did they?

My dad. My lovely, stubbly, pancake-cooking dad. Possibly dead. And I hadn't wanted to stick around and check. My eyes welled up.

"Suze?"

I shut my eyes and pretended to yawn and stretch.

"Is nobody else tired?" I asked in feigned surprise. "I'm about to drop! I'll go to my room and get some shut-eye."

Even though it was just seven o'clock, I raced inside, and dodged Andy with his steaming plate of quesadillas or whatever. I pushed open my bedroom door to find no people, alive or otherwise, inhabitating my room. I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasnt in the mood to welcome spectral visitors.

I took some flannel pyjamas that Lizzie had cast aside, into the bathroom. When I emerged, Jesse was lying on the window seat, head buried in Men are Mars, Women are from Venus. He appeared to be chuckling.

"Aw Jeez," I muttered, getting into bed, letting my hair fall down to hide my flushed cheeks. I hadnt forgotten about my previous dream.

"As if you really wish to dream," said Jesse scornfully. "It is, I believe, only seven o'clock."

"Seven-fifteen," I corrected him. "And ever heard of an early night?"

"Yes. My six-year-old sister took them regularly."

I threw back the covers. "Fine," I said. "I won't sleep. Happy?"

"Very," said Jesse, settling back against the window. "What's bothering you, querida?"

I was just about to question his detour from the English language, when I heard a rustling. Both mine and Jesse's gazes turned to the door. Something was being slid underneath it. I picked it up.

It was a note. A note from Brad.


	14. Dear Suze

**A/N Thanks for the reviews, guys, you rock! Sorry its taken so long to be updated, I've been glued to MSN Messenger (blame Nick, not me!) and also, I've been busy with exams and homework. So now,enjoy! R&R!**

Chapter 14

_Dear Suze,_ wrote Brad_. I'm sorry I scared you off earlier, and I'm sorry my stupid brother interrupted our little heart-to-heart. Wanna meet up later? There's a clump of trees behind the house, so by the biggest one, nine o'clock. I'll be waiting._

_Brad x_

What was that 'x' doing at the bottom? And why was he so intent on meeting me? It seemed he had a bit of a crush...

"Whats that?" asked Jesse sharply. I folded the paper up and tucked it under the duvet.

"Nothing," I said quickly.

"It was a note," said Jesse firmly.

"If you knew what it was, why did you ask?" I snapped. Now, I was beginning to realise why I felt so antagonised in the daydreams.

"Because, querida, I was wondering whether or not you'd tell me."

Then I finally snapped. This guy may be hot stuff, but he was interfering, cocky, and a teeny bit too intellegent.

"What is it with you and the whole querida thing?" I asked rudely. "Because in case you havent noticed, I do not not speak Spanish. I live in a world where most people speak English, even if not fluently. So speak English, you're American!"

OK, maybe that sounded better in my head. Jesse's mouth twisted, suggesting he longed to laugh, but he wouldnt let himself.

"So, a note from Jake?" he asked casually, as if my outburst hadn't happened.

"Yes," I lied. "So if you dont mind, I'm going to get changed."

Jesse scowled, but politely dematerialized. Ghosts. I dont think I'll ever understand them until I'm old and saggy. I dont think I'll ever understand Jesse, ever, being a boy and a ghost.

0000

"Suze," said Brad conversationally and he strode from the tree he was leaning on, up to me, and kissed me on the cheek. "Decided to come?"

"I guess," I replied. Well, duh. What else would I be doing in a forest?

Dont answer that.

"Wanna sit?" asked Brad, gesturing to a mossy stone. Seeing as this wasnt my Ralph Lauren skirt I was mucking up, I took a seat next to him.

My whole body tensed when Brad brought out his bottle of vodka. I'd already let one alcohol - related issue slide, but this was a second.

Then, handing it to me, he sighed.

I took the flask, but didnt drink.

"Are you ok?" I asked him.

"If I was ok, would I be meeting my brother's girlfriend and getting wasted?" he replied. I took that as a no. I lookws at his exhauseted eyes, his faint stubble, his wet lips. He was depressed, real depressed. I couldnt save him any other way. My dad used to say, "If you cant beat 'em, join 'em. I wondered if he'd say the same in this situation. I sighed. If my dad was dead, I'd want to make sure his wishes were met. So I followed his stupid motto and took a sip.

The fiery liquid trickled down my throat, sorching the skin. I felt it glide down my insides. Then, I found one sip was followed by one glug, and one glug was followed by two glugs. Two glugs were followed by three glugs, and three by four. I remember my mind becoming light-headed, and my grip on the flask, becoming loose.

Then the last thing I remember was looking at Brad, him looking at me, and feeling his lips meet mine. And the scary part was, I didnt seem to mind.


	15. Strange Sheets

**A/N Sorry for the short chapter, but I had to entertain you guys! Anyway, theres a new forum of mine, called Meant to Be mad, so if you're not content with reviewing, let me know your deepest thoughts there. Anyway, enjoy!**

Chapter 15

Sunlight was stinging my eyelids. Heat was licking my forehead. The duvet was caressing my body. I pulled it colser, feeling its cotton softness, inhaling its...springtime fresh scent? This wasnt my bed!

My eyes snapped open, and the sight that met them was so terrifying, it made me wish I'd never woken up. I was in a room with three walls painted dark, dark purple, one painted white, all four littered in Just Do It! posters. There were barbells in one corner, and the air was thick with the smell of baby powder and socks.

I screamed. I was in a strange room and I screamed. So sue me.

My mouth was covered, however, by a big strong feeling hand. I was just about to bite it and make a run for it when warm arms pulled me back and I saw Brad's face.

"Are you insane?" he asked. "Do you want to wake the household up and let them know you're in my room?"

I grabbeed his hand and dragged it from my mouth and hissed, "Are you holding me hostage or something? You kissed me once and you think you own me?"

"Uh Suze?" whispered Brad, releasing me. "I dont think thats all that happened. You woke beside me. In a bed."

"What did happen then?" I screeched, my voice high and panicky.

Brad shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno," he muttered. "I was wasted before you."

Remembering the large amount of vodka I probably consumed last night, I held my aching head in my hand.

"But we're fully clothed," added Brad, cautiously. "So whatever happened probably wasn't that bad."

"I don't remember anything!" I shrieked. "And neither do you! So how do you really know we're safe?"

A familiar unpleasant sensation occured in my chest. I put my head to my mouth, but it was too late. I barfed all over his sheets. Brad was disgusted, but he didnt say anything about it. Instead, he gently uttered, "Go back to your own bed, Suze. I'll see you later."

So I crept back to my room, stealthily, and unsuccessfully... until I met Lizzie.

"Where've you been?" asked Lizzie impatiently, repainting her stupidly nails.

"Nowhere," I replied. Jesse materialized, then seeing me, scowled, and began to dematerialize.

"Oh no you dont!" I said sharply.

Lizzie looked up. "Are you on crack? I'm painting my nails."

Well, being on crack wasnt in the realm of impossible right now. But I wasnt, I swear. I just kinda forgot she was a lucky bitch and couldnt see Jesse.

"Not on crack," I assured her. "And getting back into bed."

Jesse, despite my wishes had dematerialised. I sighed, thrust my head uner the duvet, and surprisingly went to sleep.


	16. Man, I'm in California

**A/N I've decided to dedicate myself to Meant to Be for a while, just for all my little readers! Thanks so much for all the reviews, you put the sun in my day! Its so great to check your emails and find people have your stories have been reviewed. Cheers again, and keep it up! I think once another of my projects is finished, I'm going to put up a story or notice in my forum about the original plot for Meant to Be. Its evolved so many times since then. I'm not expecting to be popular, but I'll let you guys know when its up, just in case. Anyways, read and review, people!**

**armedwithapen**

Chapter 16

"Suze?"

I awoke to find Jake looming over me.

"Damn it Jake, I was asleep!"

"Sorry," said Jake, backing off. "Only, Liz said you looked funny."

I bet "Liz" did. I groaned and pulled my covers tight, over my aching, pounding head.

"Suze? Are you ill?"

Actually, I did have a hangover, but I wasnt about to let Jake know that. Too many questions would have to be answered.

"No, just tired," I muttered. "Lizzie snores like a bull."

"Aw," said Jake, patting me in what I think was meant to be a sympathetic manner. I sat up, frowning, hoping he would get the message and go away. He didnt get the message, and instead started trying to make out.

"Jake...Jake! Get off!"

Jesse appeared with a comical look. I closed my eyes in embarrassment.

**"Oh please," said the person in the back seat pleasantly. "Dont stop on my account."**

Not realising what had just happened, having had my eyes closed, I assumed Jesse had just said that. I pulled away from Jake and groaned.

"Oh my God," I yelled at Jesse. "Will you just shut up?"

Both the guys present asked "What?" and looked immensely surprised. Oops. My bad.

"Nombre de Dios!" muttered Jesse, and disappeared. Jake just went back to nuzzling in my neck.

"Baby, are you ok?"

Frankly, I was better before he called me "_baby_." Ever since I've been getting those dreams, I've been feeling less and less more romantic towards Jake and more...sisterly? Ew.

"Jake. Jake! Please! I need sleep. Go back to your freaking video games."

"Fine," moaned Jake, and he wandered off. I sighed, pondering and blushing for a while, then promptly fell asleep.

xxxxx

"Suze," said Andy, passing me some salsa. "Are you ok?"

Oh my God. Did I really look that bad?"

"Yes!" I breathed. "What is so freaking wrong?"

"Nothing," said Andy calmly. "So what are you all doing tonight? Want Brad to show you the action down at the mall?"

The word 'mall' filled me with a petrifying terror. I mean, discount sales, video games and lace panties? No, thank you!

"OK," grunted Brad, who didnt seem to recognise the look of horror on my face. I kicked him under the table.

"Ow! What the-"

"Pass the sour cream?" I asked sweetly. Brad scowled, yet did as I asked. See? You get wasted with them one night in the woods, they're your personal slave the next. What could be so bad about that? Except for the whole vomiting thing. That kinda sucked.

xxxx

"Why the mall?" I hissed at Brad in the back seat of the Land Rover, when Andy was dropping us somewhere. Jake would have been with us, only he had another pizza round. Apparently he was "saving up." Like an alpine-steroed Camaro and a wide-screen plasma screen doesnt quite fulfil his needs.

"Relax," Brad hissed back. "Dad is dropping us at Carmel mall. What he doesnt know is that we are blowing that off and going to some Slater dude's- Dad! Turn the music up!- party. He's vice prez of Junior year. I find him a bore, but all the girls think he's hot. Whatever." He put his feet on his father's headrest.

"Feet down, Brad," barked Andy. "So, Suze, need any spending money? I dont think ya brought much with ya, huh?"

"No," I replied. "But I'll loan off Brad if I see anything."

"Okey dokey," chuckled Andy. "Here you are kids, Carmel Mall. Enjoy!"

Brad dragged me into the mall, pretending to point out the best joystick shops, or those boutiques that stock Dolce and Gabbana... until Andy was out of sight. Then, he pulled me out of the mall and into the cool air.

"Now, off to Paul's!" yelled Brad, in a commanding officer-like way.

**"Come on," Paul said. I have to say he looked exceptioanlly fine in his white shirt and shorts. They brought out the deepness of his tan, just like the late afternoon sunlight brought out the occasional strand of gold in his otherwise dark brown curls.**

"Suze?" asked Brad, looking concernedly at me. "Are you ok?"

How could I not be? We were by the coast, soft salt spray licking my chin, the cool night breeze caressing my hair. Man, I was in California!

"Of course," I said. "But how long to Paul's house?"

There were a few flaws in my otherwise perfect mood. My toes were itchig from Lizzie's Prada mule, and I was getting kinda cold.

"Not long. Number one, three five..."

Man, I was bored, and not really ready to enjoy the party ahead of me. I mean, I'd be a third wheel amongst couples making out, binge beer-drinking, and stupid games like "Seven Minutes in Heaven." God knows I was never much of a party-goer back home. I was more of a stay-in-the-corner-er.

"Eleven, thirteen..."

Home. I missed it so much. Pizza, Central Park, no Jesse, no Brad, and no strange dreams. Suddenly, the stinging sensation in my stomach occured again, and I found myself throwing up all over Lizzie's Donna Karan blouse. Oops.

"Fifteen, seventeen! Here we are-" he turned to me, and an expression of disgust crept over his face. "Ew."

He rapped on the oor of number seventeen. Blaring hip-hop filled my ears. Then the door opened.

And I was faced with Paul.


	17. Rude Guy

**A/N A special word to maz, a dear bud. You may find your favourite word in this chapter. I've highlighted it in bold, just for you. I own only the plot, Lizzie, and not the stuff in bold, disclaimed to Meg Cabot. High five to Inara Cabot, 1Bookwormie1, Purple Rhapsody, and all you others who contributed to my 150 reviews! Keep 'em coming!**

Chapter 17

He was hot, hotter than in my vision. His sun-kissed body looked so buff in his blue shirt, it was unbelievable. Yet something in my mind said

Not as hot as Jesse.

"Brad!" called Paul, with as much forced enthusiasm as when Brad explained him to me. They did the whole "guy" handshake and then Brad joined the party. Then Paul turned to me.

"Do you need to get cleaned up?" he asked me, his eyes darting from my sick-covered chest to my embarrassed face.

"That'd be great," I gushed, and he led me inside. I gasped. Paul's house was huge! Its marble floors, leather furniture, it all took my breath away.

He led me up a staircase and into a room painted suavely in brown, with cream upholstery and duvets. It looked like a hotel room, not a bedroom. It sent a strange chill down my back, like I'd been here before.

"Here," said Paul, handing me a towel.

"Thanks," I said, taking it. He continued to hang around and watch me, so I felt I had to say something.

"You can re-join your party, if you want."

"Nah, its cool," he assured me. "So you're...Brad's new chick?"

Back home in Brooklyn, I would have kicked the guy's ass for calling me a chick. But I let this one slide, on account of him being so nice to me. Ish.

I blushed. "No, Jake's. I'm from Brooklyn."

"Brooklyn? Neat. I come from Seattle. I was pretty much top dog there too." This guy obviously had his head too far up his ass to see clearly, but seeing as he was so hot, he could hardly blame him. "You're really pretty. Suze, is it?"

"Yeah," I replied slowly.

"And you're a mediator."

I nearly fell over onto his bed. Not that I think he'd have minded that. Shut up brain!

"How-"

"I know stuff, Suze."

"I-"

Paul pressed his finger against my lip and wrapped an arm around my waist. I continued to mop Lizzie's blouse with that towel.

"Need help with that?" Paul asked.

"No, I-"

He dragged my blouse over my head and I was left standing speechless, in my bra. Then Paul leaned fowards and kissed me.

**I wont lie to you. It was a good kiss. I felt it all the way down to my poor, blistered toes.**

**Which is not to say I kissed him back. I most definitely did not...**

**Well, OK. Not that much, anyway.**

**Now I was really in danger - not of being killed, but of completely losing my head for a guy who was bad for me in every way. Because thats exactly how Paul's Slater's kiss made me feel. Like I'd do anything -_anything_- to be kissed by him some more.**

Wow.

WOW.

It was a really mind-blowing kiss. It was only the fact that that Brad/any one else might walk in on us and I was in my bra, that made me pull my lips from his. Because if Jake was a great kisser, Paul was amazing.

"Are you insane?" I asked him. Not that I meant it. Because if he was, I was crazy too.

"No. I know you wanted that kiss. I saw it when I first met you."

"No," I said, protesting. "I just thought I'd seen you before."

"You bet," replied Paul, wrapping his arms around me again. "In your greatest dreams."

And he kissed me. Again. And again. And this time, I was completely helpless. I threw my arms around his neck and gave in. Because there wasnt much else I was capable of.

It wasnt really a picnic, though, having a hundred and eighty pounds of guy on top of you, especially when its not even the guy you're going out with. Still, I was kinda getting used to the whole making out thing, when Paul suddenly **rolled** off me and got up.

"Well," he said nonchalantly. "Its been fun entertaining you, Suze, but now I have to be a host." He tossed me a grey t-shirt and left, calling "See ya around!"

See ya around? What kinda of guy makes out with a girl on his bed then just abandons her? A sick and twisted guy, thats what.

Jesse would never do that.

I was putting on my T-shirt and examining myself in the mirror, when the light caught a red patch on my wrist. I pulled my hand up to my face and looked at it in horror. It was oozing. Ew!

I tucked my hands into my jeans to hide it, and wandered downstairs.

"Hey," said brad, passing me a beer. "What took you so long?"

"Um," I replied, taking a glug of beer. "I guess... I just got distracted."


	18. A Spoonful of Visions

**A/N Here is the latest installment! Sorry for the long wait, everyone. But everyone review, you guys rock my world!**

Chapter 18

"Can we leave now?" I asked impatiently, finally finding Brad, glued to a honey-haired chick's mouth.

"No," mumbled Brad, swatting me away.

"Fine," I huffed, and I tossed my fifth empty beer bottle into the trash. Oh, give me a break. I was stressed. I opened a sixth and brushed back back my hair with my fingers. I slumped into a leather sofa and took a deep gulp.

"Hey Suze. Partying much?"

I dropped the bottle from my lips to see who was bothering me now. It turned out to be Paul.

"Go away," I snapped, raising the beer to my lips again.

"Aw, come on. Not so interested in me now, are we?"

"I thought you had to be a 'host'?" I mimicked.

Paul's fingers lingered on my leg, and I looked up at him. He was so amazingly good looking. So hot, I wouldnt really mind pinning his picture to the wall. He leaned in to kiss me again, but I brushed him away.

"I gotta go," I said, handing him my beer bottle, and dragging Brad out of the door.

xxxx

"So," I said, as Brad and I were walking home in the cool moonlight. "Was that your precious Kelly Prescott you were attached to tonight?"

Brad snorted.

"I wish," he said. "No, that was her soul-sucking servant, Debbie."

"Hm," I said. "So do you like her?"

Brad snorted again.

"I dont like Debbie Mancuso anymore than I like sleazy Paul Slater. We just...go hand in hand, I guess."

I remained silent. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, I may mention Paul. We had reached the front door by this time.

"You wanna come up to my room and talk?" asked Brad, finding his keys.

"Um," I replied weakly. "But give me a few minutes."

I walked into "my" room to find Lizzie asleep in her princess bed. However, Jesse was reading again on the window seat. Loser. Even I had been partying tonight. Then again, like he had anyone to party with.

As he saw me walk in, he put his book down and stood up.

"Susannah," he said, nodded.

"Jesse." I had to acknowledge him, but I didnt really care. I was still a little confused from Paul's house.

"Whats that on your wrist?" Jesse asked sceptically, walking over.

"I dont know," I replied truthfully. "A rash, I think."

"Poison oak," said Jesse firmly, taking my wrist and holding it up to the light. "You probably caught it in the forest with Brad."

I gasped. "How-"

"Sssh," Jesse silenced me.

**_"You should try putting a poultice of gum leaves on them," he interrupted._**

**_"Oh, OK," I said, managing not to sound too saracastic._**

**_He frowned at me. "Little yellow flowers," he said. "They grow wild. They have healing properties in them, you know. There are some growing on the hill behind the house."_**

**_"Oh," I said. "You mean the hill where all the poison oak is?"_**

**_"They say gunpowder works too."_**

**_"Oh," I said. "You know, Jesse, you might be surprised to learn that medicine has advanced beyond flower pultices and gunpowder in the past century and a half."_**

**_"Fine," he said, dropping my hands. "It was only a suggestion."_**

I shook my head. Did that mean I'd been out with Brad on the hill before? And that Jesse was an expert on 19th Century medicine?

"Another vision?" Jesse asked, dropping my wrists.

"Yeah," I replied, dazed.

"About what?" asked Jesse curiously, walking backwards towards the window seat.

"Oh nothing much," I said. I didnt really want him to know he was in most of my freakish dreams. But I did want him to know about medicine...

I tried to encourage him. "So, what can you do, Dr Jesse?"

Jesse looked scornful.

"I'll have to think," he said, and then he disappeared. Uh. Guys.


	19. Dirty Deals

**A/N Hey there! Here's the next slice of MTB! As I'm not accustomed to writing anything M-rated, I dont know what qualifies. Just in case this chapter does, can you mention it on your review? It will be appreciated! Anyways, enjoy!**

Chapter 19

"Come on in," muttered Brad in response to my knock. I'd dressed casually this time, in jeans. I didnt want to be asking for a repeat of the other night.

"Hey," he said, and he smiled as I walked in. I closed the door gently behind me, and joined him, where he was sitting on his bed.

"So," I said. "What did you wanna talk about?"

Brad picked up a DVD. "Just wanted us to hang out. Wanna watch a film?"

"Sure."

Brad slotted Hellraiser III into the player. I sucked in my cheeks. I heard this was his particular favourite.

"Although," said Brad, slipping back onto the bed and putting an arm around me. "I did wanna check something. You're not mad about Debs are you? Because I'd much rather be with you."

I blushed heavily but met his gaze firmly.

"Brad," I whispered softly. "It means a lot that you say that, it really does."

"But?"

"But, I'm with Jake. I couldnt betray him with you."

Brad frowned. "That didnt stop you with Paul Slater," he growled.

"How did you-"

"I'm no idiot Suze," replied Brad sadly. "It was obvious. I mean, together, you look like Prom King and Queen. But I wont tell." He narrowed his eyes. "If I get what I want."

"Brad," I started. "Dont be-"

"I'm serious," he interrupted. "I love you Suze. I want us to be together."

I sighed. He had me, and he knew it. I couldnt let Jake know any more traits of my... rebellious side.

I was unhappy, but I didnt pull away when he kissed me. I winced when his fingers brushed against my body, ready to remove my clothes, but I didnt retaliate. Because how could I, really?

xxxxxx

As soon as daylight broke, I brushed off Brad's duvet and collected my things. I'd lain awake all night, squinting, trying to erase tacky memories.

I put my T-shirt on again, and creaked down the hallway into Lizzie's room. As I pushed open the door, I found Lizzie asleep, snoring (BIG surprise there). I dumped my stuff onto my camper-bed and headed to the en-suite.

Even though the soap lathered and frothed, and removed all outer dirt and crap from my body, it didnt do much for my wounded soul of poison-oaked wrists.

I flipped my head over under the running water, cleansing my tear-stained cheeks till they went pink with frustration. I only wished my spiritual well-being was so pure.

I tossed my wavy locks into a towel, and wrapped a bigger one around me to cover my body.

I sat down on my bed, rubbing my legs dry. Then something yellow caught my eye. I turned to my pillow, and picked up what I found. It was a slip of parchment, yellowed with age.

On it, read:

**Get well soon, Susannah.**

**With love, Jesse.**

And underneath it, lay a poultice of little yellow flowers.


	20. Ghosts and Girls

**A/N There you guys go, a nice quick update for you guys! I guarantee this will upset quite a few of you! I'm sorry for the pain I cause, it just had to be put in for future chapters. I dedicate this chapter to Maz, an avid reader (though catch up quick, babes!), and a very special friend, who's been there. Luv u! (as a friend lmao!)xxxxxxx**

Chapter 20

"Would ya please turn off that hair dryer? Please?"

I switched it off and turned around to find Lizzie sitting up in bed, frowning.

"Oh good," I said. "You're up."

"God," snorted Lizzie. "Would ya give me, like, a few more hours of sleep? I have a game to cheer for this afternoon."

"Oh boo hoo," I mimicked. "It must be so tiring, putting on ten layers of foundation and waving a flimsy pom pom about."

"Oh shut up," snapped Lizzie, and she got out of bed, shivering. I wasnt surprised, you couldnt even call the pyjamas she was wearing underwear. She flounced off to the bathroom, shaking her multi-toned mane.

I sighed, and sank down onto my bed, twisting a loose damp curl around my finger absent-mindedly. I reached under my pillow for the poultice of yellow flowers and placed one on my oaky wrist. The relief was almost instant, so soothing. I guess Jesse was right. He always seemed to be.

"Good morning, _querida_."

I spun around, shaking gum leaves off my hand. I didnt want him to know he was right, after all.

Jesse chuckled, and bent down to pluck a yellow flower from the carpet. He handed it to me.

"It for your wrist, _querida_."

"I know," I said automatically.

"Really," asked Jesse, amused. "I dont suppose I've imagined you as a medical resource."

"I dont know much," I replied. "Just that, somehow."

"A daydream, perhaps?" asked Jesse, stepping fowards and tucking a loose curl behind my ear.

"I guess," I whispered, my eyes locked on his dark, intellegent ones. "Thankyou for the flowers, Jesse. I dont think anybody has ever been so nice to me."

I dont really know what came over me. Whether I was still slightly wasted, or what, I didnt know. All I knew was that this guy, this random, old-fashioned, dead guy, was the person being moderately nice to me. And nice was really good.

So I leaned in and...

OK, I kissed him.

And it took my breath away, the moment our lips met. It felt like everything bad, every piece of hell in my life had gone away, and everything was OK.

Until he broke away.

"Susannah," he said, his eyes still closed. Then he put a hand on each of my shoulders and pushed me gently backwards.

"Susannah, I'm sorry. I just don't -"

"Feel the same way."

I couldnt believe it. I'd made the biggest fool out of myself, and now, I couldnt even be friends with this amazing guy.

_That I loved?_

_No way..._

"Susannah?"

_OK, maybe_.

"I'm fine. just go away."

"I wont, Susannah. Not until I know you're OK."

"**_OK?_** You want to know if I'm **_OK?_** The one person who was nice to me now manages to make me feel as if I'm the stupidest person on earth, Jesse! Whats the point of calling me freaking _querida_, if you dont fell anything - _anything_- for me? If its not me, who does light your fire, huh?"

Jesse looked pained. "I'm not sure what you mean by that, but..."

He turned his head towards Lizzie, who had just emerged from the en suite, hair dripping.

"Lizzie?" I whispered. "No way."

"I'm sorry," replied Jesse.

"Don't be," I hissed. "You can have her, the little spiteful barbie doll."

And I, ashamed to admit it, stamped my feet and fled from the room, Lizzie confusedly watching, Jesse's looking away in embarrassment. And, aw jeez, I was crying.

_Fine, it was true. I really did love Jesse._


	21. Spilt Soda

**A/N Seeing as I got nothing better to do, I'm updating! Not that you guys are a last resort, I just found some spare time, and I thought, I'll type up Meant to Be! So, enjoy peeps, and review!**

Chapter 21

"Suze?"

Paul rubbed sleep from his eyes and pulled the door wider.

"Come in, come in."

I stepped in, brushing clingy fog from my shoulder and rubbed my arms warm.

"Sorry to disturb you at like, eight in the morning," I said sheepishly. "I guess I've been up for a while, and lost sense of time-"

"No worries, no worries," interrupted Paul, grabbing a soda from his Sub-Zero fridge . "You want one?"

"That'd be great, thanks."

I slurped my soda in silence, letting the past hour soak in. I'd kissed a ghost, been rejected, found out he was in fact in love with my boyfriend's stepsister, and then discovered I was in love with the said ghost. Wahey. They should so try putting that into a movie.

"Are you ok?" asked Paul, pulling a T-shirt down over his bare chest. I happened to notice before he did this, that he has very well-defined stomach muscles. Very, very, well-defined.

"I'm...ok, I guess," I replied, slowly. "just, um, confused, I think."

"Never a good feeling," stated Paul, firmly, sitting on a counter next to the barstool I'd perched on. "Confused about what?"

"Um... my feelings," I revealed, surprisingly truthful.

"And you thought I could help?" he asked.

"Well, maybe," I said, blushing. "But I think I need company."

"I make great company," replied Paul. "You came to the right person."

He hopped down from the counter, and sat on a barstool beside me. He took my hand, and gazed into my still red, slightly bloodshot eyes. He leaned in to kiss me when-

"You move along quickly, Susannah."

I sat up to find that Jesse had materialised on the other side of the kitchen counter.

"Will you just piss off, De Silva?"

I turned sharply to an angry-faced Paul.

"You can see him too?" I shrieked. "You're a mediator?"

"Oh well done," said Jesse dryly. "Finally caught on, have we?"

"I bet its you that she's confused about," accused Paul, standing up aggressively.

"Quite possibly," said Jesse calmly, staying put. "We may have shared a... tender moment back at 99, Pine Crest Road, so I'd appreciate a moment alone with her, Slater."

Paul motioned towards Jesse, but I held him back.

"Paul," I whispered. "Its OK. I'll listen."

"Fine," sneered Paul, knocking my soda over purposefully. "I'll be back when you've finished."

I watched him leave the room, then I turned to Jesse.

"I dont think I want to hear anything you have to say to me," I said. Jesse ignored me, and instead of replying, took Paul's vacant seat.

"Susannah," he said eventually, taking my chin between his finger and thumb. "I want us to be friends. I do care for you. Do not get upset, querida."

"Don't call me that!" I yelled, swatting his hand away. "It doesnt mean anything to you, so why do you say it? Because you're sick, and you're twisted, and you get your kicks from hurting vunnerable teenagers like me."

"No, Susannah, you are wrong. I am not like that, and you are not vunnerable. You are strong. A great, strong-willed woman."

"If I'm so great, why dont you love me?" I hissed. Jesse sighed, his thick, charcoal eyebrows knotted together.

"I dont know," he eventually replied. "I guess I was just destined to fall in love with the girl whose bedroom I haunt."

"And what if that girl had been me?" I asked.

"Then things may have been different."

"I'll say, you jerk!" I yelled., throwing soda all over him. "Let me just remind you, she cant touch you. She cant even see you!"

And for the second time that morning, I walked out on him, rendering him speechless.


	22. Trapped

**A/N Hey there! I'm being nice, and serving you guys up another plate of Meant to Be pie! I dont own the bits in _bold italics _but I own the plot. I dont own Suze, or Jesse (just his head, Melodramatic!) sadly. But I own Lizzie (unfortunately!). And there's no way I'll ever want to own Paul. Some people you just dont want to even be associated with (no names...)**

**What's happening to my hits! For Chapter 20, I had 96 hits. 96! Thats less than 100, guys! Keep reading, you know you want to!**

Chapter 22

"There you go," said Paul, handing me a steaming cup of coffee. "Feeling any better?"

"Do I look it?" I asked, taking a sip.

"Sorry," said Paul. "So whats the deal with you and De Silva? You had a love affair or something?"

I blushed brilliantly.

"Of course not," I replied, hurriedly.

"Well thats OK," said Paul, leaning in to kiss me again. "That means I got no competition."

I put a finger to his lips. "Yes you have," I whispered. "I'm with Br -_** Jake**_ - remember?"

"You think he's gonna stop me?" said Paul, innocently.

"Scared of Jesse though, were we?"

"De Silva? He's nothing but a softie."

"But-"

This time Paul pressed a finger to my lips.

"Suze," he said. "I care about you, I really do. And although you may not love me, I know you still care. So show me, Susie."

"Paul-"

Paul didnt wait to see what I had to say. He placed a hand on my back and kissed me deeply. Even though

a) I didnt really have any feelings for the guy

b) I was pretty sure sure I had morning breath,

I was so thrilled. I mean, this guy, this gorgeous, amazingly hot guy who could make out with any girl in the peninsula, wanted to shove his tongue down my throat. Not the best way of putting it, but it was true. So I let him run his hand through my hair, and rub his hands down my body. Soon my breath became raw and ragged, his kisses were that exciting. Seriously.

I placed two fingers on his chin and pulled away. I mean, his kisses were amazing, but the guy wasnt...

Well, Jesse.

**_And thats pretty much how my love life is going to go now isnt it_**?

"Suze," whispered Paul, his eyes still closed. "What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry Paul," I replied. "But its not going to work."

Paul let go of me and I ran into the hall and up the stairs to find my mules. I was searching for them in his hostel-like decorated bedroom when I heard soft creaking. I looked up to see Paul in the doorway. I stood up, mules clinging sadly on my fingertips.

"I'm sorry to scare you, Suze," said Paul, walking into his room. But Paul never just walked. When he entered a room, he seemed to fill it.

"You didnt," I replied firmly.

"What was that about then, downstairs?" asked Paul, brushing my mules from my hands.

"It was... just a blow of conscience," I said, more confidently than I felt. I knelt down to recollect my mules, and Paul met me mid-way.

"Dont give me that, Simon," he sneered. "You're just trying to kid yourself you dont like me. Quit it."

His hand snaked onto mine, but I curled it up and pushed it away.

"No, Paul."

I started to leave, when he grabbed my arm in a grip of ironn and flung me onto his bed, kissing me deeply.

"Paul, _no_!"

"Mm, hmm-mph..."

"Paul!"

I wrenched my lips from his, but couldnt escape. I knew I was either come out of this situation hurt, or I could give in.

**I was never weak. I had a heart of iron, of a rhino, my dad said. My mom said I was just like him. But then my father fell down the stairs, after I pushed him. And since then, I've been scared.**

Scared I'd get caught. Scared that fate would catch me out later in life, scared I would fall in love with someone, and hurt them like I hurt my dad. And there I was lying. Scared. Trapped.

And it scratched at my heart, the fact that while Paul was undressing me, all I could think of, was Jesse.


	23. Time Passes

**A/N Another slice of MTB pie! Enjoy, and thanks for your reviews! R&R!**

Chapter 23

I lifted my bag from the carpeted floor and let Paul walk me to the door.

"Can you even call that watching a movie?" I asked, tucking hair behind my ear and smiling at him. "You spent most of it with your tongue in my mouth."

"I dont hear you complaining, Simon," replied Paul, wrapping both his arms around me.

Bring, brring!

"Could there be a crappier ringtone?" added Paul. I scowled and retrieved my cell from my bag.

"Hey Susie," came a familiar voice. It was Kelly. "So, biatch, coming to my end-of-semester blowout tonight?"

"You bet. Can I bring Paul?" I asked, slapping his hands away as his fingers danced up my arm.

"Sure thing. Are you still there? Come on, bad girl, go prepare to party!"

"Gotcha, Kel, over and out."

I snapped my phone shut and kissed Paul goodbye.

"Party, nine o'clock, Prescotts. Pick me up at quarter to?"

"Check. Later, babe."

I hopped out of the door and skipped down the path and hauled myself into the Land Rover.

Now I know you're probably wondering - "What the hell's going on?" If I wasnt living this, I'd be asking the same.

But the truth is, I've fitted into Carmel. And became popular. Since that night at Paul's, everything changed.

_"Not so pure now, are we, Miss Simon?" said Paul, sitting up._

_"Hate to break it to you Slater, but I wasnt so pure before."_

_"Really?" Paul seemed interested._

_"Really," I nodded. "Juvenile crime, romantic entanglements... you're messing with a bad girl."_

_"Its how I like 'em," he replied, stroking my arm. "But these... entanglements. Still going on?"_

_I should have known that was coming up. But if I poured my heart out to Paul, he'd know I was cheating on Jake._

_Suze, you're lying in bed with Paul. What part of that was not cheating on Jake?_

_But in the end, I told him. Told Paul about Brad, I mean. About how he guessed about us, and how he's stay zipped if I gave him what he wanted._

_Paul wrapped an arm around me._

_"Don't worry Susie," he said in my ear. "I'll look after you."_

And, so far, he'd been true to his word. I'd followed him to parties, where I'd been introduced to Carmel's Barbie, Kelly Prescott, and her soul-sucking posse, including the all-famous Debbie Mancuso. I'd feigned interest in flavoured lip gloss and emery boards, and found myself even enjoying girl-talk and downing beer. I wouldnt call me and Kelly friends, but we were close enough.

The part about enrolling in school, though, that I didnt look foward to. Some girl in the Catholic school had shot herself so there was a space free.

"Yeah, Heather," Kelly informed me. "My ex-best friend."

"Ouch. You ok?" I asked. Kelly chewed her lettuce thoughtfully. "Whatever. She was depressed over some ex-boyfriend."

I decided Kelly Prescott wasnt exactly what you called a loyal friend. I mean, the way she gossiped about Debbie and Lizzie with me wasnt exactly encouraging.

It turned out in the end, I needed a legal guardian's signature to enroll in the Mission, and then someone to pay the terms. The guy who as the principal looked at me concernedly when I turned the place down after that, but I couldnt do it. My family was back in Brooklyn, and no way were they gonna find out where I was.

Still, I had Kelly and her minature Mattels to guard me from Brad/Jake. Whichever one I needed hiding from.

Some days I think Jake and I are on the verge of breaking up. Others, like the days he goes out of his way to kiss me on my cheek at dinner, suggest otherwise.

I dumped my bag on the camper bed and turned to face Jesse, who was reading on the window seat, as usual.

"So," said Jesse placing his book (Harry Potter 2) beside him. "Are you and Paul an item?"

"Why would that interest you?" I asked rudely. "All you have in mind is shoving your tongue down Lizzie's throat."

"Just so as you know," said Jesse, as if he hadnt heard me. "Jake wouldnt be best pleased if he found out."

Well, duh.

Then he disappeared. What kind of a cryptic warning was that?

Well, whatever. I had a party to prepare for.


	24. The Party

**A/N Hey guys, sorry for the delay! As always, I dont own the bold italics, this time taken from Book 6 of the series. Dedicated to those faithful reviewers, and Dreamcloud818, whose stories rock my socks!**

Chapter 24

"Yo Suze!"

I slapped hands with some friend of Brad's as I walked in, hand in hand with Paul. I was glad Jake had another pizza delivery shift.

"Susie!" shrieked Kelly, and she toitered up to me in her Jimmy Choos. "You came!"

She wrapped a finger around mine and dragged me into the crowd.

"Later!" I called to Paul.

"Have you heard the latest?" asked Kelly, handing me a Cola. "Brad Ackerman, you know, Jake's bro, and Debbie Mancuso. My hot tub. Right now."

I nearly choked on my soda. Brad and Debbie? Oh yeah, he reeeeallly dislikes her.

"So how far have you gone with Jake?" asked Kel. "I heard what college guys like to do."

"Uh..." I said. Because the truth was, at first I couldnt remember. "Well, you know, we've made out loads - "

Kelly snorted, her mascaraed lashes fluttering. "Yes, we've all made out with someone. Like, in kindergarten. Havent you guys Done It?"

"Uh," I said again. "I guess not-"

"Have you guys lost your flame? Of passion, I mean. Are you like, boring together now?"

"Yes," I replied, hoping she'd leave me alone and move on. Instead, she jumped around excitedly.

"Omigod! I can like, so help you rekindle your love! Now-"

"Kel, its cool-"

"-you take your hand and put it-"

_"Kelly!"_

"Sorry. Going to mingle."

"Please!"

I was left, finally, in peace. Just me and my soda. Until I felt a hand on my waist and Paul's breath tickle my ear.

"Hey," he said, as he kissed me down my neck. "Wanna go somewhere... quieter?"

"Isnt the whole point of going to a party, to party?" I asked, putting down my soda.

"I hear the hot tub's occupied," continued Paul, as if he hadnt heard me. "But there's always Kelly's room."

I pushed him away playfully. "No. No way am I getting friendly with you amongst pink frills."

Paul laughed and draggeed me upstairs. My hand became sweaty in his. I mean, he was my unoffical boyfriend. Jake had brought me to California, let me stay in his house, and how did I repay him? By cheating on him. Twice.

But I was helpless when it came to Paul. He pushed me into the bathroom, and locked the door. He held me against the wall, nuzzling my neck. He whispered in my ear, "See Susie, I told you I could give you what you wanted."

"No, Paul," I replied softly. "You told me you'd protect me."

"I'm hiding you from Jake up here, arent I?"

"Paul," I whispered back. "Right now, I'm scared. I need protecting from everything."

"Like the bastard living in your house?" asked Paul.

"Brad?" I asked. Paul shot me an amused look, but replied, "No, the dead guy."

"Oh, Jesse."

That was just it. Jesse. The, I hate to admit it, love of my life. But I could never be that to him.

a) he's dead, therefore he has no life.

b) he's in love with my boyfriend's backstabbing, evil, stepsister.

Minor setback.

"Yeah, thats the one."

"What about him?" I asked, gripping Paul's hands that were trying to snake their way up my top.

"Well, I'm a mediator. You're a mediator."

"What a coincedence!" I cried jokingly, edging backwards, fumbling for the door knob.

"No." Paul stopped me short, seizing my hands. "I can show you things no-one else knows about."

"I think you've shown me enough-"

"No, mediator stuff. I can explain soul-transference, shifting-"

"Paul," I said. "No."

**_"If the 1924 translation is to be believed," I read aloud, glad my voice wasnt shaking the way I knew my fingers always shook when Paul touched me- "the shifter's abilities didnt merely include communication between their world and our own, but the ability to travel at will throughout the fourth dimension, as well."_**

**_I don't know if it was my exhaustion, or the fact that the career aptitude test had got me thinking about my future.. my future and Jesse's. Suddenly, I was just very tired of Paul and his games. And I decided to call him on the latest one._**

**_"The fourth dimension," I reminded him. "Time travel?"_**

**_He just grinned, however. "Oh good, you figured it out. Took you long enough."_**

**_"You really think shifters are capable of time travel?" I asked._**

**_"I dont think so," Paul said. "I know so."_**

My future and Jesse's? We didnt have a future. He was dead, and we werent going anywhere. I was stuck in a love square, with nowhere to turn. My confused smile went to a scowl of misery, which Paul noticed when he quit kissing my neck. He groaned.

"What is up?" he asked, leaning backwards nonchalantly.

"Can shifters time travel?" I asked, the words feeling numb on my lips. Paul put a hand on his hip.

"Give the girl a prize," he snapped. My fingers found the doorknob behind me. "But... do you wanna know more? Like what I said earlier? Like shift-"

"Fine," I hissed, giving in. Click.

Yes, I was free!

"Wednesday, my house."

"Goodbye, Paul," I said. I pulled the door foward, slipped outside and slammed it shut.

Now - how do I get out of this?


	25. Decisions

**A/N Hooray! A longer chapter! This is where it starts getting juicy! Please review, you guys are amazing with that, I mean, 230? That's a record for me! Don't stop now guys, keep 'em coming!**

Chapter 25

"Ooh, you look hot!" squealed Lizzie, once I'd finished applying lip gloss.

Jesse snorted. He was, as usual, sitting on his window seat, reading (**A/N though not HP, _allamericangirl109_**!).

I rolled my eyes. Whatever. I so did not have time for him. Today was Wednesday.

Uh- huh.

I'd caught a ride home with Kelly and Lizzie, and let Liz curl my hair. I told her I was going to meet a friend from Brooklyn, not Paul.

"Not that your friend will care," Liz continued. "Coz she's a she. Omigod, if its a he though, I totally have to meet him. New Yorkers are hot."

"Its a she, Liz," I said, rubbing in my gloss. "And believe me, the guys from my 'hood are so not hot. Unlesse pimples are attractive."

"Ew," Liz scrunched up her face. "But you look totally hot. I'm surprised no guys from the Mission have offered to take you to Big Sur. I mean, even one's asked Debbie, and she's a dog."

I was surprised to hear this. I'd always assumed Debbie was up there with Kelly. But Lizzie wasnt wrong. Debbie's nose did her no favours.

I laughed uneasily. "Oh," I said. "I guess all those guys know I'm taken. What with Jake going there-"

"Are you though?" asked Lizzie thoughtly, rubbing gloss into her own lips. "I can't remember the last date you guys went on."

"Hey!" I cried, a little more defensively than was needed. "We went to the beach together last week."

"And took David with you," added Lizzie, scornfully. "I bet you guys didnt even kiss."

"Whatever," I said, giving my hair a shake. "I got other stuff on my mind. I'll talk to him later. Right now I have to meet Pa - I mean, Gina."

Lizzie flounced off to the bathroom. I stared at my reflection. It wasnt me, who I saw in the mirror. The girl I saw was some manufactured, little Barbie doll. The girl that I knew was really inside me, was the one that loved playing baseball with her dad in the park on Sunday afternoons. I grabbed my purse.

Here goes.

I closed the bedroom door behind me, and turned to go when I was faced with Jake.

"Hey," he said. "You look hot. Where are you going?"

"Thanks," I replied, a little taken back. "And I'm going to meet my friend from Brooklyn. She's flown over from New York."

"Awesome. But how come I didnt know about this?"

"It was kinda last minute." I met his lips with a kiss. "See you later?"

"Yeah," whispered Jake, leaning his forehead against mine. "We could play video games or something."

"OK," I said. "But right now, I gotta go."

Jake kissed me goodbye, and I hurried downstairs. I leapt into the Land Rover, and drove steadily to Seventeen MIle Drive. As I walked down the path in Lizzie's Stuart Weitzmans, I was met by Paul.

"Hey," he said, slipping an arm around my waist. "You look hot."

Wow. I must really look hot.

He kissed my neck and nibbled my ear-lobe, until I shoved him off and said, "Paul! Inside?"

He shrugged his shoulders innocently and pulled me inside by the hand. I shut the door behind us.

"So," I said. "Time travel?"

"Yeah," he said expressionlessly. "Come up to my room."

"Paul, I'm here to learn about Mediator lore, not to find out how good you are between the sheets."

Paul grinned. "The books are in my room, dumbass."

"Oh," I said hurriedly, blushing. "Oh. OK. I'll come up."

I followed him upstairs and into his cold, modern bedroom, which had yellowed hard-backs scattered across the duvet.

"What did you start to say about Jesse at Kel's, Paul?" I asked, fingering the withered pages of "Mr Monterey". There was a glamourous painting of some girl, Maria.

Maria De Silva.

No way. Jesse's ... wife?

"Do I have to remind you?" asked Paul, edging closer.

_**"Jesse's dead," Paul said. "But that doesn't mean you have to act like you are, too."**_

_**"I don't," I protested. "I-"**_

_**But I didnt get to finish my little speech because right in the middle of it, Paul leaned over.**_

_**And kissed me.**_

I shook my head. Was that a vision-y thing, or not? Paul was wearing the exact same shirt right now, and his curls caught the light in the same way.

"Did you do that?" I asked.

"Do what?" replied Paul, backing off, looking a little freaked. "Oh wait, did you have one of your little visiony thingies?"

My mouth dropped. "How-"

"De Silva doesn't keep his mouth shut for long, you know," smirked Paul, taking my hand.

"Jesse wouldn't, he wouldn't!" I pulled away. "Don't twist things Paul, don't mess with my mind!"

"Don't like that, do you Simon? Never thought your little boyfriend would spill the beans! That's right, and I know all about your antics too. Alcohol, drugs, indecent proposals... we are a naughty girl, aren't we, Susie?"

"Shut up!" I yelled. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

I couldn't believe it. Had Jesse really told Paul EVERYTHING? And he hadn't even told me he'd been married? It wasn't Jesse. This wasn't the Jesse De Silva I was madly in love with.

"How do you know so much about me," I asked cautiously. "And how much do you know?"

"Are you really dying to know?" asked Paul, smiling. He got even closer, and put his hand on my chest, sticking his tongue in my mouth. I pushed him off in disgust. I was stronger now, I could resist.

"Paul, spill. Or I'll make you."

I met Paul's gaze to show I was serious. He saw my gaze and sighed.

"OK, OK, you caught me. I've been spying on you."

"_What!"_

"I was kinda hoping to find stuff I could blackmail you with later."

"Nice, Paul," I said angrily, approaching him, ready to beat the crap out of him.

"Wait!" Paul held up his hands in defence. "Jesse saw me, and he didn't stop me. He practically encouraged me..."

I stopped short. "Really?"

"Yeah," gulped Paul, lowering his hands. "You mad?"

I saw the gleam in his eye. "Liar," I stated simply.

"What?"

"You heard me. I say you're a liar. A big filthy liar."

"Suze, its true!" He took my hand. "From shifter to another, I swear -"

"I'm a shifter, too!" I shrieked. Paul put his hands over his ears.

"Yeah! Please stop shrieking, its really hurting my ears."

"Sorry," I muttered. "But I'm a shifter too? Like you?"

"Didn't Jesse ever tell you?"

"Why?" I asked, grinding my teeth. "Why do you always have to bring him up?"

"I'm just showing you, Suze, that he isn't as perfect as his abs lead you to believe."

"I'm not that shallow, Paul."

"Whatever. Listen, I got a plan."

"As long as it involves both of us fully clothed," I said. "I'm in."

"You're mad with the De Silva guy for letting me get away with spying, right?" asked Paul, picking up My Monterey and flipping it to the page that held Maria De Silva. "And for not telling you about her?" He tipped the book vertical, showing me the portrait.

"I know who she is, Paul," I replied.

"Really?" Paul sounded genuinely surprised.

"Maria?" I said, with a hint of _duh _in my voice. "Jesse's wife?"

The astonishment disappeared from his eyes. "Fiancee," he corrected me. "Jesse died on his way to his marriage."

"Oh."

**_Then, too late, I remembered the secret Jesse had once confided in me, the secret only I knew... that he had been on his way to the De Silva ranch all those years ago not to marry Maria, but to break things off with her..._**

"Oh," I repeated. "How?"

"Murder," said Paul simply, chomping Cheetos. "Felix Diego, Maria's lover, wasn't having his woman marrying another man."

Bull. Diego wasn't having his woman humiliated, more like.

"Anyways," continued Paul. "De Silva. You mad?"

"Of course," I replied. "But why?"

"I can get him back. It will make you happy too."

"Paul, I am not-"

"-sleeping with me, I know. I kinda got that. I'm talking about time travel."

My mouth dropped. "Back to Jesse's time?"

"That's right," replied Paul, shutting my mouth with his thumb. "We are going back to 1850, to save Jesse De Silva's life."


	26. Falling and Fading

Chapter 26

"And that would make me happy, how?" I asked, plucking a soda from his fridge and lifting the tab.

"Well," replied Paul, eyeing me disgustedly as I slurped the bubbles that were errupting from the can, then licking the few that had managed to stick to my nose. "Jesse, who haunts your room, is dead."

"Oh well done, genius," I said, finding myself imitating Jesse's sarcastic nature. "Most ghosts are, in fact, dead."

"Shut up, Suze. And can you please put that soda down? You're not listening to me."

"Sorry," I said, putting the can down.

"Right. Well, Jesse died because Felix Diego murdered him. 150 years later, you move into the room he haunts, and he manages to make your life, a living hell - right?"

Wrong. There was nothing hellish about sneaking a peek of those abs everyday. And that kiss - until he shoved me off - was amazing.

"It hasn't been peachy, adjusting to a male room-mate," I replied. "But I wouldn't call it hell."

The enthusiasm in Paul's eyes disappeared. Instead, he looked bored.

"Suze," he encouraged. "He confused oyu. He made you turn to drugs, and alcohol. He's going to make the remainder of our lives in Carmel a misery. But if he stayed alive, and died somewhere else-"

"I turned to drugs and alcohol because of the problems I left in Brooklyn," I said sharply. "Remember Brooklyn? Where I came from? I don't belong here in Carmel. I could easily turn around and go back home, leaving my Jesse problems here. Why go back to 1850, when I can just go back to New York?"

"Because you can't," replied Paul, seizing my hand that snaked out to grab the soda. "You said yourself, you got problems in Brooklyn. And I know you're too weak to face them. You have to stay in Carmel."

"She's not weak, Slater."

I whirled around to see Jesse standing in the kitchen doorway, nonchalantly.

"Jesse," I breathed admirably.

"Hear anything else, De Silva?" asked Paul, cautiously.

"Nothing I care to share with you," replied Jesse. I realised quickly that Jesse was every bit as smart as Paul. "But I do know, that whatever problems Susannah has back in New York, she's strong enough to face them."

"I don't care about that," snarled Paul rudely. "DId you hear any other part of the conversation?"

"Why? Feeling guilty, Slater?"

Busted. Jesse had seen through Paul's subtlty.

"No," replied Paul, quickly.

An amused smile played among Jesse's lips/ His eyes darted to me, and one eyebrow rose. His lips parted, ready to say something when -

"Suze, come on!"

Paul's eyes were closed. In one hand he was holding a small, brassy object, and with the other hand, he seized my wrist in a grip of iron before I could protest.

I turned to Jesse, and we exchanged glances of horror. Before he could pull me back, a dizzy feeling swept through my stomach and I felt myself fading.

"Jesse!" I shrieked, but it was too late. I feel through the floor, and onto grass. Paul landed next to me with a soft thud. I looked around and was horrified to see that Seventeen Mile Drive was nowhere in sight. 


	27. Circa 1850

**A/N Sorry for the crummy chapter last time. This is over 100 words, so it should make up for it. I've written Chapter 29! (and no, Megan, you cannot read it in my notebook tomorrow!). Its a huge shocker. It was also really hard to write. LOL. Anyways, review. If you don't review, you are not getting chapters 28 and 29! There should only be about 7 chapters left.**

Chapter 27

"What the hell did you just do?" I shrieked at Paul, feeling my heart come shuddering back to life, and breathing heavily.

"Shifted," replied Paul simply, shrugging his shoulders. He stood up, brushing grass off his jeans.

"Excuse me?" I said, standing up beside him. "You tell me now, what shifting is?"

"Like you gave me a chance!" yelled Paul.

"Yeah, I did!" I yelled back. "But all you were interested in was sticking your tongue in my mouth!"

"You didn't have to sic your stupid little ghost boyfriend on me, you know. Just how many guys have you got in limbo now, anyway?"

I sank to the ground. "Jesse's not my boyfriend," I said. "And neither are you or Brad."

"That's funny," replied Paul. "Because when was the last time you kissed Jake? When was your last date? When was the last time you looked at him and actually felt something?"

"Shut up!" I yelled. "Shut up, because you habe no idea what you're talking about! For your information, I kissed Jake this morning!"

"No you didn't," replied Paul, calmly.

"Yes, I did."

"No, you didn't. This morning was the morning of 28th June, 1850. Jake won't be born for another 135 years, at least."

"You mean, we time-travelled?" I shrieked. Yes, I shrieked. Sue me. I was completely freaked out. "We're back in 1850. We travleed back in time, like I said we would."

"Wow," I replied. "This is California, circa 1850."

"What will become California," corrected Paul. "Remember, its not a state yet."

"Sorry," I said, humbly. "But still...wow."

Paul sat beside me on the soft grass. "Suze," he said, stroking my arm. "Do you love Jake?"

"I don't know," I found myself replying. "I mean, he was my world, back in Brooklyn. But then I ran away to Carmel, and met people who just confused me."

"When Jake kisses you, you don't feel anything, do you?" asked Paul. "No sparks. Nada. Nil."

"Its true," I said. "I guess I don't love Jake."

"But when I do this," continued Paul, leaning over to kiss me deeply. It was a good kiss. No, amazing, is the word. He could be the most amazing kisser I know.

But I didn't feel anything. I've never felt anything when it came to Paul. Fear, maybe. Lust, perhaps. But never love.

"-You feel...?"

Paul looked at me blankly, wanting an answer.

"I'm sorry, Paul," I said, finally. "I'm not in love with you."

Paul stood up.

"Who then, Simon, who? Who is it that you just can't resist? Its not me, its not your boyfriend. Who's left? Brad?"

"I'm not in love with you," I repeated, more confidently. I realised as the words slipped off my tongue, this was, really, a modernised version of the conversation between me and Jesse. Suddenly, I felt Paul's pain. He was in love with me. But me? I had to tell him.

I had to. Though it may mean risking all I got...

"-I'm in love with... Jesse."

For a couple of seconds, I thought Paul had exploded. But then I realised, as it fell to the ground, that he;d just kicked up a pile of loose strands of grass, and was steadily turning scarlet.

"Why him?" he yelled. "He's dead. He's dead dead dead! He has no body heat, or no heartbeat, or no life to risk for yours. Most of Carmel can't even see him!"

"I know," I whimpered. "I know he's dead. I know he's got nothing you have. But he's strong-willed, and passionate. He's polite, and educated. He's a man," I added. "You're just a boy, Paul. You always will be. I don't think you'll ever grow up."

That was it. Paul had reached boiling point.

"Right," he said.

"Right," he kept on saying. "Your pretty boy is not gonna die. He's gonna stay alive, and he's gonna marry Maria De Silva. And he's gonna die at a ripe old age and never going to meet you. And you," - he thrust a finge rin my direction - "are never going to even have a memory."

"No!" I cried, feeling salty tears crawl down my flushed cheeks. "Paul! Its not right!"

"If you were really in love with him," he said. "You'd let him live his life, and die peacefully."

"I can't!" I shrieked. "I can't just watch history change! He's got to die like he did, so that he can meet me!"

"Meet Lizzie, you mean?" corrected Paul. "You're forgetting one crucial fact. He doesn't love you. He loves Lizzie. Not you."

Then I remembered.

Nothing would change things between Jesse and I. If he did marry Maria, he wouldn't love Lizzie, but he wouldn't love me, either. And going back now would still mean he loved Lizzie. Not me. He was never going to love me.

"Get it now?" asked Paul. "He doesn't love-"

"Me. I get it Paul, I really do. So stop rubbing it in my face." I rubbed my eyes to get rid of the remaing tears. "So how does it matter now, what we do?"

"Well," said Paul. "If we let him live, you'll never know the pain he cause you by loving Lizzie."

"But Paul-"

It was too late. Paul hadn't waited for my agreement. He was off down the slope, meeting the path that would lead him to Carmel. Well, the few houses that made it a place.

"Paul!" I screamed, running after him. "Paul!"

My feet rubbed raw on the path, as I left my mules in 2006, and I kicked stones everywhere. My breathing become heavier, my brow thickened with sweat, and I had to stop. Unlike Paul, I didn't lift weights everyday.

In. Out. In. Out.

Calm down Suze. Maybe Jesse isn't in town yet. Maybe he'll arrive later. Or tomorrow.

Clip-clop, clip-clop.

Or maybe Paul hasn't found him yet. I mean, flouncy shirts are very popular here in 1850. Some other person may have been mistaken for Jesse.

Clip-clop, clip-clop.

On second thoughts, its possible Paul has found that Diego guy. Oh God, I better start walking again.

Clip-clop, clip-clop.

"Miss! Move out of the way!"

That voice... that wonderfully deep voice sounded so familiar...

I turned to face whatever was coming, when I was met by something firm and heavy.

I fell to the floor in an instant.


	28. Old Sarah and Jesse

**A/N Thanks to all you dudes and dudettes who reviewed! You put sunshine on a cloudy day...**

**OK, getting poetic. Ish. Anyways, this chapter is dedicated to you SJ supporters out there, who deserve some lovin' for all your support. Thank you so much.**

Chapter 28

I'd been hit by a horse.

"Ouch," I muttered, holding my head. I heard the hurried crunch of feet hitting the ground, and I felt a soft hand in mine. The touch - the warm, gentle touch - was so familiar, I swear I'd met this guy before. But how could I have? It was 1850, for crying out loud.

"Let me help you up, MIss. Are you OK? I'm mighty sorry."

I looked up to meet his gaze, but what I saw shocked me. I saw olive skin; dark, intellegent eyes; and dark hair that curled against the back of his neck...

Jesse.

I dropped his hand in fright, and to the floor again.

"Jesse?" I whispered.

His eyes narrowed.

"Why, yes," he replied. "But I'm afraid I cannot place you."

**_"Do I know you?" Jesse asked, his eyes searching. "Have we met? Are you... are you one of the Anderson girls?"_**

**_I had no idea who the Anderson girls might be, but I felt a stab of envy for them, whoever they were. Because they were girls who had gotten to know Jesse - Live Jesse. I wondered if they knew how lucky they were._**

"Um," I muttered awkwardly. "I'm one of... the Anderson girls?"

Recognition dawned on Jesse's face. "Ah!" he cried triumphantly. "That explains it! Are you friends with Mercedes?"

"Yes," I lied firmly, though I had no idea who 'Mercedes' was.

"Ah." Jesse helped me up again and lifted me onto his horse. "Come along then. Old Sarah will give you a ride to the village."

I tried to object, but I found myself outraegously tired. Instead, I clung to the horse's mane and longingly watched the back of Jesse's head for the rest of the ride as he walked alongside me.

xxxx

"What are your interests then, Miss...?" asked Jesse, stroking Sarah as she fed from the trough. She and Jesse had taken me to a barn near a boarding house that looked strangely familiar. I had no idea why, though.

"My name is Lizzie," I lied. I figured lying was easier. He would probably force me onto a doctor if I told him the truth - that I'd travelled back in time to make sure he was brutally murdered. "And I... dance."

Why did I say that? I can't dance any better than Brad or Jake can apply eyeliner...

"Really?" asked Jesse. "Josefina is a fine dancer. You must show me some steps."

"Oh no," I said, shaking my head. "I couldn't-"

"Please?" Jesse held out his brown, callused hand. I looked at it, then at his face, which wore an expression of soft pleading.

I linked my fingers with his, and he pulled my body close. I sucked in my breath. His heart was _beating_.

"Why do I feel like I know you so well?" he whispered. "I feel as if I could tell you your birthday and favourite color."

"Maybe we've met before," I replied. I lay my head on his shoulder, and swayed.

"Lizzie? What are you doing?"

"I'm dancing with you," I replied.

**_Jesse looked down at our feet, but couldn't see them, because my long skirt was swaying above them._**

"I don't know this dance," he said.

"Its easy," I said. I let go of his neck and took his hands and brought them around my waist. Then I put my arms back around his neck. "Now sway."

Jesse swayed.

"See?" I said. "You're doing it."

Jesse's voice in my ear sounded a bit strangled.

"What's this dance called?" he asked.

"Slow," I said. "Its called a slow dance."

After that, Jesse was silent. I lifted my head.

"Whats the matter?" I asked.

Jesse let go of me. "I'm engaged, Lizzie," he said. "And I can't help thinking this behaviour between us is... well... romantic."

I didn't say anything, but I let my arms fall loosely by my sides again.

"And," continued Jesse. "I like to think I'm a gentleman, so I think its time I took you home."

"Its OK," I said, picking up my jacket. "I'll find my own way home."

"No!" called Jesse, as I made my way to the door. He grabbed my wrist and locked his gaze on mine and whispered gently.

"I am intrigued by you," he said. "And I don't think I'm ready for you to leave my company."

I let him pull me back into his arms, where he looked at me questioningly.

"My," he said. "You can't be more than seventeen. What am I doing? I should be on my way to Maria's, not fooling around with an innocent young woman."

"It isn't fooling around, Jesse," I replied softly. "You know that."

"No," he said, pulling away. "I'm loyal to Maria. I am not a man to cheat."

I dropped his hand. "Typical Jesse," I said with a sorrowful chuckle. "The gentleman."

Jesse turned back to me. "I don not believe we have shared a conversation before this," he said sharply. "So how can you say such casual comments about my person?"

"Maybe," I suggested. "You were just admired from afar?"

"Admired?" Jesse looked disbelieving. "Lizzie, do not be foolish. I am not worthy of admiration. My own fiancee does not wish to marry me."

"I admire you," I said, boldly.

That was it. I'd fallen in love with Jesse all over again. Worse, he knew it. And even worse, he was still in love with another girl.

But before I could un-say anything, Jesse had reeled me back into his arms and laid a soft kiss on my lips.

I looked at him in astonishment, savouring the memory, but then wasted no time in returning the kiss. I kissed him over and over again, until I found my hands running through his hair and his hands were on my back.

And I can't really say I minded.

"Lizzie," he whispered, pulling away gently. "I really do think its time to take you home now."

I kissed him once last time, just to enforce the moment, emblazing it into my mind. But before I could say anything, I heard a voice.

"You wait, De Silva, until Maria hears about this."

And then I was seized from behind.


	29. The Knife Fight

**A/N I'm sorry for not updating in a while! I've just been so busy with school starting again, and stuff. Also, I never realised how short this chapter is. Its v.short, and I'm sorry! I hope the content makes up for the lack of, like, 500 words! Chapter 30 will be better, I promise... it just may be a while because I haven't wrote it yet... (looks at furious people) I'm sorry, OK? I'll get it up soon! (Runs away. Faaaaast!) Also, I made a mistake that xoxdefygravityxox spotted - nice one, I never saw it - that I've corrected with this new re-post. Thanks!**

**Chapter 29**

"Get. Off!" I hissed, struggling and kicking, trying to shrug off whoever was behind me. "Get offa me!"

I felt a sturdy (and hairy) arm close around my neck, and a lump appeared in my throat that I couldn't swallow.

"Jesse!" I gasped. "I - can't- breathe!"

Jessse looked horrified, but he wasted no time in trying to prise the guy's arm off me.

"Come on, Diego," he growled harshly. "As they say, pick on someone your own size."

"Diego" guffawed. He didn't sound like the sharpest tool in the shed, if you get what I mean. But he let go of me anyway.

I fell to the floor and tried to catch my breath. The lump in my throat had gone, but another was rising, probably caused by hysteria. I mean, I was just nearly killed by the guy that killed Jesse.

Oh my God.

He hadn't killed Jesse yet.

Could I really watch history repeat itself? Could I watch Jesse get murdered by such a monster?

"Jesse!" I shrieked, as Diego was approaching him cautiously. "Behind you!" Jesse turned around and dealt Diego with a hard sucker-punch in the gut.

The truth was, I couldn't let the man I love get murdered again. I mean, that was like pushing Gina into a monster truck pit, or feeding my Mom poison. It couldn't be done, out of morals.

"Lizzie!" cried Jesse, while ducking from what could only be described as Diego having a nervous spasm. "Get out! Keep yourself safe!"

"No!" I protested. "This guy is gonna kill you!"

Diego spun around angrily. Beneath his nose was some sort of hairy-bug thing.

Oh, wait.

"Ew," I said disgustedly. "Nobody has a moustache like that anymore."

Diego let out a mighty roar, and started running towards me.

"Lizzie!" yelled Jesse. "Run! Now!"

But I was frozen to the spot. I mean, a giant, hairy guy was charging towards me. Its not exactly what you see everyday.

He reached me and knocked me down in an instant. I groaned, winded.

"Lizzie!" Jesse cried, and he ran to my side.

"No so fast, De Silva," growled Diego, turning to face us. "Don't think you are not getting killed today."

I saw something in Jesse's face that I had never seen there before - fear. Jesse was afraid of Felix Diego. Not that he was going to verbally or physically going to express it. But I could tell. He was scared.

He reached into his boot (it had spurs! Really, it did!) for something. As he drew it out, I saw the silver catch the light off the lantern.

It was a knife.

But before Jesse could act, Felix came at him with a punch that threw him into the air. The knife was dropped by my side.

But Diego hadn't noticed. He'd drawn his own out from his pants, and was aproaching Jesse, ready to fight.

Only Jesse was weak. Blood was trickling from his head, where he had hit the wood of the barn. And he didn't appear to be breathing evenly.

"Jesse," I breathed, horrified.

"Well, well, well," cackled Diego, leaning down, and slitting Jesse's cheek with his knife. Blood poured from the open wound. "Looks like somebody won't ever be marrying little Miss Maria."

He stood poised, ready to drive his knife into Jesse's chest, when he gasped in agony.

That was because, I was possessed with an urge to take Jesse's knife from my side, and plunge it into Diego's back.

He sank to the floor.

Dead.


	30. Running Away

**A/N Dedicated to xoxdefygravityxox, due to prolonged agony over this chappy! Sorry for the wait, guys, majorly busy. Hope it makes up for it! If you don't get the end, I'll explain all in ch 31. R&R!**

Chapter 30

"Oh.. my..." I gasped, staggering backwards, dropping the knife. "I.. I killed Felix Diego!"

"And saved my life," Jesse added - with great difficulty. I turned, and saw that Jesse's eyes were closed in agony, and he was clutching his stomach. Blood was pouring steadily from his head.

"I'm not sure about that," I said, kneeling beside him.

"I... am," whispered Jesse. "He was going to kill me!"

I stroked his forehead, and pulled him close. "I'm so sorry, Jesse," I said, tears rolling down my cheeks. "You're bleeding, and its all my fault."

His stomach was starting to bleed from where he had hit the wooden wall with force, and his forehead was dotted with splinters.

"It could be worse," he smiled weakly, as I sniffed, and pulled him even closer. After a while, his body became limp in my arms and his head fell loosely in my lap.

"Jesse?" I asked."Are you OK?"

There came no reply. I quickly rolled him off me and felt for a pulse. There was one, but it was weak.

"Jesse!" I shrieked. "Please don't die on me now! I've just given up our future for you to God damn well stay alive! You're meant to be living a healthy, long life! Jesse!"

"Well, well, well," said Paul, striding into the barn. "I didn't have to raise a finger, yet Suze Simon managed to make a mess. All by herself."

"Paul!" I cried. "Help me take Jesse to somebody!"

"Why?" he asked nonchalantly. "You wanted him to die, didn't you? So you could meet his precious ghost?"

"Well," I said, struggling with Jesse. "Now I want him to live!" I dropped Jesse's arm, and marched up to him, angrily. "And if you don't help me, I'll-"

I didn't get to finish my little heroine speech. Because Paul had grabbed me by both my wrists and pulled me into a kiss.

"_Paul_!" I exploded, furiously, shrugging him off. "I've told you about that!"

"I'm sorry," Paul said, though his big stupid grin didn't show it. "You're just kinda irresistable when you're mad."

"I need to help Jesse!" I said, ignoring him. "He's unconscious already!"

"Mr De Silva? Did Mr Diego find you OK?" A voice came from outside the barn.

"Suze, lets go!" urged Paul, tugging my arm. "Before the old bag finds us and shoots!"

"No, Paul!" I said trying to release myself from his iron-vice grip. "I have to help Jesse!"

"Jesse?" came the voice again, and a knocking on the barn door. "I'm coming in, OK? Would you like me to fetch Mr O'Neil?"

"Don't, Suze," he protested. "Lets leave. If he lives, he'll be happy. If he dies, you'll be happy. Everybody wins! Come on!"

The bolt slid and the barn door began to open.

"Now's our chance!" yelled Paul, and he ran towards the door, seizing my hand. As the dor was flung open, we charged past who I assumed to be Mrs O' Neil - a startled, wrinkly woman - and out of the barn, a cloud of dust kicking up behind our heels.

"Gypsies!" shrieked Mrs O'Neil. "Shoot them, Joseph, they were gonna steal our horses!"

The bespectacled, bald Mr O'Neil fumbled with his shot-gun, and began aiming.

One lead bullet shot past my right ear, another between Paul's legs as we ran.

"Faster, Suze!" he cried. "Or they're gonna get us!"

As he said this, he feel to the floor- crippled. His leg was bleeding steadily, and Paul was wincing.

"He got me!" he gasped. "Do you think I'm blind or something?"

"No," Paul hissed angrily. "But-"

He pointed to behind me. I turned my head in time to see Mr O'Neil re-load his rifle. I clutched Paul's hand, my own fingers cold with sweat.

"Paul," I said, kneeling beside him. "What am I gonna do? He's gonna shoot."

"He's aiming," he winced, squeezing my hand in agony. "You're gonna have to take us back."

"Back?" I repeated. "Back where? Because I am not carrying you anywhere-"

"To the future!" spat Paul, impatiently. "I need an ambulance!"

"I...I can't!" I shrieked. "I won't! I won't leave Jesse!"

"You have to!" cried Paul. "Do you want us both to die?"

"No, but-"

"_Suze_!"

"Why can't you do it? I'm not leaving, I want to help Jesse!"

"Oh for goodness sake, Joseph, just shoot already!"

"I'm_ aiming_ , Margie, I don't wanna miss!"

"Get 'em in the head! Blasted gypsies!"

"I'm a little distracted, Suze," grunted Paul. "_Now_!"

"I..." I began, but I trailed off. "I'm gonna hate you _forever_, Paul Slater."

"We'll see," replied Paul, and he shut his eyes.

I did the same, thinking of freeways and golden beaches, of mansions and motels, and In-N-Out Burger. I whispered a goodbye to Jesse, savouring his kisses, his breath on my cheek, the touch of his fingers.

I felt the wind of 1850 on my forehead one more time, and I heard the whistle of the lead bullet speed through our fading auras. It couldn't hit our heads. Because we were gone.

Then I opened my eyes.

We were sat on the lawn of my back yard (OK, the Ackerman's), still squeezing each other's hands, and my cheeks were damp.

"Paul?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. "What are we doing in my back yard?"

"I don't know," he replied, and he hauled himself up. "Aah!"

He fell to the floor again, the open wound in his leg oozing blood.

"Paul!" I shrieked. "You've been shot?"

"I guess so," winced Paul. "But did you see any crazed gunman or rowdy gang?"

"No," I sniffed. "Come on, Paul, this is _Carmel_. Anyway, I don't even know how we ended up here. Its like I just woke up from a dream."

"Yeah- weird for you," he spat. _"Hell_ for me. Help?"

"Oh yeah," I flipped open my cell and dialled for an ambulance, answering all the specific questions, bla bla bla. My hand were shaking, though they weren't cold. I was majorly disorientated, like I'd been clouted around the head and just woken up from a coma or something. I snapped my cell shut and kneeled beside Paul.

"Its OK," I said, squeezing his hand again. "Everything is gonna be OK."


	31. Caught In the Act

**A/N Gee, I seem to be getting the hang of this long chapter lark! 992 words, without the authors note. Woo! Thats good for me. Anyways, dedications (drum roll please...)**

**To/ Maz, Amy, Megan - the motley crew. This one's for you.**

**(Cue the aaahs)**

Chapter 31

"So, what colour hair did this... gunman have?" asked the detective, stading before us. He was kinda too short to be taken seriously, and on his head was what I was sure was a toupe.

"Brown," I said, at the same moment that Paul said, "Blonde." I glared at him.

The officer lifted an eyebrow.

"He had highlights," I assured him quickly. "Right, Paul?"

"Uh-huh," Paul replied, pulling the sheets of his hospital bed closer.

"And how would you describe his physique?" asked the cop. "Was he fat? Thin?"

"Definitely fat," we said together, and I let out a sigh of relief.

"Right." The guy nodded. "We'll keep a lookout for this guy, and I'll get my officers a'searching. I'll leave you to rest, Mr Slater. Miss Simon." He nodded to me.

Once he was gone, I closed the door, and sat on the edge of the bed.

"That was close," I said. "I mean, geez, nobody goes round shooting randomly in Carmel. I can't believe he bought it."

"Don't question it, Suze," said Paul. "I mean, do you really want to be thrown into the wacky shack?"

"I guess the truth is even less believable," I said, rubbing my forehead.

"Knock, knock," said a voice behind the door.

"Come on in," I said, shooting a warning glance at Paul. It was Jake.

"Hey, beautiful," he said, striding in and kissing me full on the mouth. Paul cleared his throat noisily, and we broke apart.

"Sorry."

"How you doing, dude?" asked Jake, sitting beside me. "You OK?"

"I guess," said Paul. "The guys said I should be able to walk in about 6-8 weeks."

"In time for all the surf competitions!" crowed Jake excitedly. I nudged him in the ribs. "Paul doesn't surf, babe," I hissed.

"hey, Paul," said Brad, walking in, smiling. "Hey Suze, Jake. You two wanna grab some 'za?"

"Sure," I said, turning to Paul. "You Ok if we go?"

"Yeah," he replied weakly.

xxxx

"We ended up, of course, with David with us.

"He hasn't had any lunch either," said Andy, giving David a little push. "And I need to pick Samantha and Lizzie up from the manicurist."

So that was how we ended up in the hospital cafeteria with David next to us, picking at his margaherita, more engrossed in his book.

"Hey, Jake, did you know that-"

"No."

"But you-"

"I don't care."

David huffed, and nibbled humbly at his pizza, then tried again.

"What about you, Brad? DId you know that-"

"No."

"Fine," he muttered. I looked up.

"I'll listen, Dave," I said, ignoring the stares of both Jake and Brad. I mean, somebody had to pay attention to the little guy.

"Oh." David looked startled. "OK." He turned a yellowed page. "Um... did you know that many moguls started out here in Carmel?"

"You mean, like that Beaumont guy?" I said. "He's pretty rich. Isn't he the guy who owns that huge mansion?"

"Yeah," said David. "And Hector De Silva started out here, too."

My head had started drooping into my pepperoni, but at the mention of that name, I had turned sharply to face David. I had never heard of this Hector dude (what a MEAN name) before, or of any De Silvas - the name wasn't like any I'd ever heard of during my stay in Carmel - but it was turning cogs in my subconciousness.

"You read his novel?" asked Dave, excitedly, noticing my - what he decided was - enthusiasm. "Its about a young farmer's son who is nearly brutally murdered by his love rival, but then a mysterious girl rescues him, and he falls instantly in love with her. But then she disappears, and he searches his whole life for her, and at the end he's still searching-"

"Aw, looks like Dave's gone soft," teased Brad, tugging at his brother's pizza. "Are you gonne eat that?"

"The novel made millions," declared David, pushing his plate aside.

"I've never read it," I said sadly.

"Its all based on a true story!" squealed David. "But about some guy called Jesse, not Hector."

Jesse, Hector... these names sounded so familiar, but I couldn't place them. Perhaps they were just coincedentaly names shared by those ghosts that I - as a mediator - had encountered. The only ghost I'd grown to wholly remember was that pf the rowdy, impolite Diego, who insisted in hanging around the bedroom of Lizzie and I - and I was yet to conquer him.

"Everyone done?" said Jake suddenly, as I watched in fascination as Brad crammed the whole of Dave's slice into his mouth - the only trace of the fact that Brad had even touched the pizza was a long string of cheese dangling from his mouth.

"Yeah," he grunted, attempting to chew.

"No!" cried David. "I want to finish my page: 'Those who weren't as successful'."

Jake sighed. "Fine," he said. "He's a speedy reader, so I'll hang about, order a soda. You two go on upstairs, check on Paul."

OK," I said, for Brad, who was still working on his 'za.

I kissed Jake's cheek, and together with Brad, we left the cafetaria, and proceeded down the corridor.

We turned a corner, and Brad pushed me against the wall. He'd apparently swallowed.

"Hey," he said, leaning closer. "We haven't hung out in a while."

"I guess," I said, casually, but tried to move out of the way. With one, quick strong hand though, Brad held me back, and moved in for a kiss.

"Brad!" I mumbled, struggling. "I'm with Jake!"

"Yeah?" he asked, laughing menacingly. "Like you have been these past months?" He continued to kiss me.

"Brad!"

"Hey, Suze, you forgot your coat-"

Brad stepped backwards.

It was Jake, with David behind him, mouth wide open. He'd caught us. I was dead meat.


	32. The Accident

**A/N Hey! I got an update up here relatively quickly - right? Seeing as I had to write it as well, now my notebook has ran out of chapters. I hope this one is OK. Things are about to get exciting! Thanks to all who reviewed - I hope I replied to them all.**

**To/ Meg (HiddenInBlueIce), Amy (amyloubee), and Maz. **

Chapter 32

"Jake-" I began, but I was interrupted.

"How dare you!" roared Jake, as he threw Brad against the wall by his collar. "She's my girlfriend!"

"Oh yeah?" asked Brad, a devilish grin on his face. "Wanna bet?"

Jake turned to me sharply. "What the hell does he mean by that?"

"I..." I began. "I..."

"I'll tell him, shall I Suze?" asked Brad, adjusting his coollar. "Let's start by saying that Susie has been a _very bad girl_."

"Brad, no," I whispered, but Jake silenced me.

"No," he said. "Do continue, Brad."

Brad smirked. "Well," he began. "How long has she been in Carmel now, huh? Two and a half months?"

Jake twitched. "Three," he corrected.

"Yeah," replied Brad. "And you wanna know what she's been doing these past months? In fact, I think the question is better rephrased as..._ who_ she has been doing?"

"Brad, shut up!" I yelled, and Jake lunged at him, hitting his nose hard.

"You broke my nose!" grunted Brad, sliding down the wall. "Bastard!"

"Who?" demanded Jake, angrily. "Who is he talking about?"

"Jake, I-"

"Who, Susannah?" snarled Jake. He grabbed me by my wrists and pushed his face right up close to mine. "Any time this century."

"Paul!" I spat his name out, like a bad taste in my mouth. "OK? It was Paul!"

"And..." urged Brad, from against the wall. "Tell him, Suze."

Jake shook me hard. "Would you like to share something, huh, _Suze_? Come on, its not healthy to bottle things up."

Something in his tone scared me, so much that I began shaking, without the help from Jake's motion.

"_And_?" he demanded. "Spit it out!"

"B-B-B_...Brad_!"

Jake dropped me, staggering backwards. His feet hit Brad's legs, and he turned around. "_You_," he whispered.

He picked up his brother by his collar again, and punched him in the face. "Never!" he yelled. "Don't you ever do this to me again! Ever!"

Every other syllable was dealt with a sharp hit to the face. Blood was flowing steadily from Brad's nose, and Jake's fist was becoming covered in blood.

"Jake, stop it!" I shrieked. "Please! You're hurting him!"

Jake stopped, and turned to face me sharply. Brad fell loosely to the floor.

"You care about him being hurt, but you don't care about me?" he said. "Touching, Suze, it really is."

"Jake." My voice cracked. "I didn't mean it like that. You know that. And I'm so sorry I hurt you-"

"Bullshit!" yelled Jake, and he slapped my cheek hard. "Bullshit, Suze!"

I gasped, and held my cheek with the palm of my hand. I was speechless. I couldn't face another minute of Jake. He was out of his mind. I turned and ran, as fast as I could, down the corridor until I found stairs.

xxx

He hit me. Jake hit me. My boyfriend. He was meant to love me. He'd lost it, and it was all my fault.

These thoughts pounded against my skull as I was running down the corridors and the stairs. I'd sent him over the edge. I'd ruined him.

I had to get out. Out of Carmel, out of everybody's life. I had only meant heartbreak and confusion for the residents of California. It was my debt to them - I had to disappear.

"Suze!" Someone yelled behind me. Jake's voice echoed off the walls as I kept running. I wasn't about to turn back. I couldn't. Not now.

"Suze!" he repeated. "Geez, Suze, I am so sorry. Nothing you could have ever done deserved that. Baby come back. Suze, I'm so sorry!"

I couldn't answer him. I just had to keep running. It was for the best. For him... and for me.

I had reached the lobby. Paul's grandfather had just entered through the main doors, with his assistant - who was carrying coffee.

"Susan!" cried his assistant. "Coffee?"

I ran straight into him, sending coffee cups and hot liquid everywhere.

"I am so sorry!" I cried, finally finding my voice. "Oh my God, I'm - can I borrow your car?"

"What?" The assistant looked a little taken aback. Dr Slaski had just began drooling.

"Your car," I repeated hurriedly. Jake was going to be catching up with me any moment. "Can I borrow it?"

The assistant laughed. "I don't think I sould be loaning it to a seventeen year old," he said.

"Fine," I said, angrily.

"Suze!" yelled Jake. He had just come skidding down the stairs, into the lobby. "Wait!"

I turned to Dr Slaski's assistant.

"Sorry Kyle," I said, and I punched him hard in the mouth. He fell backwards, hitting his head hard against the tile floor. I searched urgently in his pockets, and found his keys.

The recpetionist shrieked, and instantly, a group of nurses attended to Kyle, lifting up his head, checking his pulse, pushing me out of the way.

"Suze?" said Jake, running to me. "What the hell are you playing at? You just knocked Mr Slater's assistant unconscious!"

"And?" I said. "Get away from me."

I began running again, straight into the parking lot.

"Miss, you come back here right now!" screamed the recpetionist. "I'm calling the cops, you hear? I have a description, and witnesses!"

I ignored her, and kept running. I found Kyle's car near the doors, and got into the driver's seat.

"Suze!" growled Jake. "I think you've lost it. You can't drive!"

"_Watch me,"_ I spat, and I slammed on the accelerator. The car went squealing into action, and Jake was left standing stupidly in front of the hospital.

I sighed in relief. I was going home, back to my Mom, back to pancakes, and pizza - I turned a corner uneasily. This driving thing wasn't that great-, back to...

Oh my God.

_My dad?_

"Hey, watch it, kid!"

I swerved, but it was too late. The possibility of my dad had lifted my concentration. I hadn't been watching the road. The road lining the coast isn't great at the best of times, but without careful consideration and concentration ... it was fatal.

My tyres slipped off the road, and the car tilted. I screamed, letting go of the wheel. I clutched at the seat, shutting my eyes. The heavy car banged against the cliff, eventually, flipping over and rolling. Shards of glass came flying through the open window as the windshield smashed against the trees, and scratched my cheek. I hit my head as the car took a final tumble, then became stationary.

I breathed heavily, and released my grasp of the cushion. I was holding tiny pieces of glass that had worked their way into the palm of my hand during the crash. Carefully, I moved my head to see out the window. The car was on a single limb - one sharp movement and it would be in the sea. I breathed in, my whole body shaking.

"Oh my God..." I whispered. I tried shouting, but I was too weak. I was too scared to try and exit the car. The wind was fierce near the sea. It could easily hurl me and the car straight into the ocean. My only option was to lie still until somebody found me.

I could hear the swishing of trees by here. I'd seen, on my way down. just before I'd shut my eyes, that there were a few strong trunks on the cliff. I heard them too, as the Volvo had splintered them. There was a soft creaking, too, as if one was about to fall.

That was OK though, right? It was too far away to my car. Anyway, someone will have found me before it falls.

_Right?_

"Oh my God, Joey, look at this mess!"

I was right. I had rescuers already!

"Yeah, Jim, and look at that tree! Ready to fall any second."

"Lets get this girl out of the car then, and into hospital. I called an ambulance. They'll be here soon."

I heard their footsteps become louder and louder, yet so did the wind and the creaking. _Hurry up..._

"Jim! The tree! _Move_!"

"No, the girl-"

**_CRASH._**

I felt the trunk dent the roof of the car, and crush my body. All the breath left my body in a sharp gasp.

Then everything around me became **black.**


	33. Comatose

**A/N So sorry for the wait! But longish chappie to make up for it! Sorry if its a little confusing...**

**Dedicated to xoxdefygravityxox for her help and support.**

Chapter 33

_Beep. Beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep._

I was in complete darkness. There were voices to my right, and a beeping sound to my left. What was this - Murder in the Dark?

"I'm sorry, Mr Ackerman, but I can't let you in. Visiting hours are from 9 - 11am, and then from 4:30 - 6:30pm. Feel free to visit the cafe until then."

Jake? What was he doing joining in Murder In The Dark? Why was there even such a game happening?

"Geez, Carey, will ya let me in? My girlfriend's in that room, lying there on a hospital bed - attached to a life support system!"

WHAT???

"I understand, Mr Ackerman, I really do, but I cannot let you in."

"Jake!" I wanted to cry. "Get me out of here! Take me home!"

But I couldn't. I was frozen, on the hard, lumpy mattress. My limbs were icy cold, and so stiff I couldn't raise any of them. Please let him in so he can explain! I wished silently.

But the voices had gone. All that was around me was darkness, and a slow steady beep, ringing in the cold, silent room.

Suddenly, a phone began to ring. It was relieved after three tones, and a sweet voice answered. "Carey speaking," she said. "Emergency ward."

After a few 'mm-hmm, mm-hmm's, she spoke again. "Yes, Mr Ackerman, of course. We have Susannah here right now - her comatose state is stable."

Comatose???? I was comatose???? What had made me this way?

Then it flashed before my eyes, like an old fashioned film, or a tutorial in Calculus.

**_My tyres slipped off the road, and the car tilted. I screamed, letting go of the wheel. I clutched at the seat, shutting my eyes. The heavy car banged against the cliff, eventually, flipping over and rolling. Shards of glass came flying through the open window as the windshield smashed against the trees, and scratched my cheek. I hit my head as the car took a final tumble, then became stationary._**

**_I felt the trunk dent the roof of the car, and crush my body. All the breath left my body in a sharp gasp. Then everything around me became black._**

Oh my God! The crash was what had got me here!

* * *

"Suze? You there?" 

I felt a warm hand close over my frosted fingers, and hot air blown onto my cheeks. It was Jake.

"Please hold out on me, Suze," he pleaded. "I need you. We all do. Me, Dad, David, even... Brad. God, Suze, I'm so sorry for hitting him. And you. I never meant to hurt you. I was so mad, but that's no excuse."

It wasn't at all. The sharp pang of the slap burned brightly on my face in rememberance.

"But Suze, wake up, and everything will be OK. You wake up... and... I'll marry you, Suze, I really will. If you'll marry me, of course." Jake paused, and sighed. "Marry me, Suze?"

I wanted to burst out crying, throw my arms around his neck and tell him that I was awake, I really was, and of course I'd marry him. I loved Jake, more than pizza, more than shopping, more than kicking ghosts up the a-

But I couldn't. I was still stationary in my comatose pose.

"Not even a faster heart beat?" asked Jake.

But I'd begun to drift out of consciousness, into a dream-world of where I was Suze Simon - mediator and most popular girl in school - the place where my hot Spanish boyfriend met me everyday after school -

"Susie? Wake up. Its your mother speaking."

Mom?

"Susie, its 5:30pm, and I've flown across America to see you. How could you have done this? How did you create such a mess?" I felt both her hands on my cheeks, and kiss upon my forehead. "Oh my God, Susannah - I thought you were as good as dead. You'd been missing for two and a half months, and the next thing I hear, you're in Carmel Hospital comatose. Ran off with that Ackerman boy, did you?"

Of course, I was silent. my head swelled as I wanted to release a river of tears, plead my mom for forgiveness and fly back home to Gina. But all that came to me was a headache.

"Mrs Simon?"

That same sickly voice called my mother cautiously, and I felt her stir beside my bed. "I am," she replied, her voice sticky with sadness.

"Mrs Simon," Carey repeated. "I have news of your daughter. After various CAT scans, we've come to a conclusion."

"And?" asked Mom, slowly and seriously.

"She has serious internal bleeding and severe head injuries," explained Carey. "She's also broken four ribs, and her two elbows are broken. She's in a bad way."

"But she's going to pull through - yes?" persisted my Mom. "I mean, its all going to heal?"

"We're hoping-"

"I don't want any hoping shit," she retorted. "Is my daughter going to live?" There was a definite growl to her tone.

"Mrs Simon, please sit down. There is something else we need to tell you."

I felt my mom resit, and her cold fingers clasp my own. "Yes?" she whispered.

"Further test have shown that... Mrs Simon, Susannah has lost her baby."

I felt my mother's fingers drop my own, and the beep of the monitor slow down drastically.

I was numb. All I felt was confusion before sinking into another bout of endless sleep.


	34. California Dreaming

Back home in Brooklyn, I had everything. Friends, family, a boyfriend, pancake houses, pizza... The possibilties were endless in New York. 

I'd take the subway with Gina once a month to the outlet stores and we'd collect all the bargains to create next season's wardrobe. Then we'd stop and get a cappucino each - or a frap - and I'd watch as Gina got chatted up by the odd freshman from the community college. But I didn't mind. Gina was the popular one. It was a way of life.

Once we got home I'd IM Jake, or pretend to do Trig for Dad, or cook pancakes with Mom - hold the maple syrup - and we'd veg out in front of a sloppy romcom. It was cheesy we knew, but it was what we did. Our mother-daughter activity.

I was completely happy. Jake made me complete. He'd surprise me with candy or flowers each date we went on, and take me somewhere amazing - or we'd stay in his dorm and talk. He knew everything about me.

Until that day.

x

"So Susie," said my Mom. I could hear her bustling about with a fresh bouquet. "You and Jake were going through a bit of a rough stage?"

I could smell her hovering above me, like she was expecting an answer. Because people in comas participate in conversation regularly.

"Well," said my mother carefully, like she was choosing her words cautiously. "Every couple does. And I think all these secrets weren't doing any good."

She changed subject hastily, as if I was about to wake up and strangle her for suggesting Jake and I weren't perfect. She thinks she knows all about teenagers. But she doesn't. I mean, when she was a teenager, there were no Ipods. And she struggles with a TV remote.

"How about, when you wake up, we go on vacation, huh?" My mom fluffed my pillow gently. "I've always wanted to see where Martin Luther King lived. Why don't we goto Alabama? I can fulfil my history quota, and you can be Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama... we'll have such a great time."

Uh-huh, I said inwardly. Sure. If only I could wake up.

We'd go on vacation annually back in New York. I liked Rhode Island the best. Since that vacation, back when I was ten, I had decided I wanted to go to Brown. Not that I had the grades, but it was my dream. To study what, I had no idea. I mean, give me a break. I was ten.

Jake made promises too. He said that once I woke up, he was going to marry me, even if he had to drag me down the aisle in handcuffs. He loved me, he said. More than anything. And he was more than willing to forget the whole Brad -and Paul - thing. Because he loved me. That was what he kept saying. Over and over again.

Brad had promised he would leave me alone completely when I woke up. He wouldn't even come to the wedding, he said. He would ignore me for the rest of our lives. Or, if I wanted, he said, we could be the best of friends. But never anything more. He'd hurt me, he said, more than that was visible on my skin. I guess he kinda meant my scars and bruises. The nurse had said they were beginning to clear up now, and there was hardly any swelling on my head. I think she was trying to get me optimistic. But I've given up now. I wish they'd just yank me off the life suuport. I was ready to leave.

x

_"Oh my God."_

_My mother was stood at the top of the stairs, mouth open and pale. She was just dressed in her duck-egg blue dressing gown, and matching slippers, and her hair was still in rollers, and the bags underneath her eyes were as black as my own._

_"Suze?" she croaked. She was still with shock._

_"Suze!" she yelled again; but there was no answer. She kicked off her slippers and ran down the stairs to tend to the victim lying at the bottom. She felt for a pulse._

**_It was faint._**

_"Pete?" she whispered. "Pete, honey, wake up. What happened? Where's Suze?"_

_The man mumbled and tried to move his neck, but gave up in agony. "Meg," he croaked. "I'm so sorry. For everything."_

_My mother ignored his speech and instead gripped his hand. "You can give me a more detailed apology later."_

_The man closed his eyes. "I don't think I'm gonna last that long Meg."_

_"Of course you will, doofus," scolded my mother. She fumbled in her dressing gown pocket for her cell. Good old Mom. Always efficient, even when sleeping._

_"Yes...an ambulance please?" She rambled off the address. "Stair injury. Thankyou."_

_She snapped her phone shut and kissed his head. "Oh Pete," she said. "Where's our girl gone?"_

"_I don't know," he muttered. _

_"We'll worry about Suze later," was my mother reply. "She's probably just run away to bawl into Jake."_

**_The air suddenly went foggy, and the stairs reshaped as desks and bedpans. It was the hospital._**

_"Well?" she asked the doctor frantically as he came striding out of the emergency ward. "How's my husband. Oh please God, tell me he's OK."_

_The doctor smiled grimly._

_"He's going to be fine Mrs Simon," he said comfortingly. "He's just broken his collarbone, and is a recipient of concussion. You're lucky. You could have lost him."_

_My mom collapsed into the doctor's arms. Or I think normal people just call it a hug._

_"Oh Doctor," she said. "Thank the Lord."_

_"Will do, Ma'am." And he continued about his way._

**_He's alive._**

I gave a huge gasp, and felt my whole chest rise. The cool draft of the door licked my chin, and I rubbed it warm again.

**_I rubbed it warm again._**

I was awake.

"Hey Suze," said the figure by the door. "Its about time."

It was Paul. And he looked more murderous than ever.


	35. One More Step

**A/N - PLEASE READ THIS NOTE!!! I have rated this chapter M, for extreme violence, and a disturbing situation. Please don't read if you are sensitive to these situations. This will be the last - but one - chapter, I hope. Please R&R (unless you are one of the aboce mentioned people) and make me smile!**

Chapter 35

"Paul," I said, sitting up slowly. "You take one more step, and I'll scream like hell."

Paul smirked. "Like I'd hurt my little Susie."

"Oh, I know you would," I replied firmly. "And I have at least twenty people monitoring me right now, who will come rushing in the moment they realise I'm awake."

"You're not in any danger," said Paul. "I just thought I'd come see how my girlfriend's doing, seeing as her boyfriend's M.I.A."

I ignored how weird that last statement sounded, and instead panicked. "Where's Jake?"

"Oh, he couldn't take it," he replied. "He's probably half-way to Nebraska on a suicide mission."

"Paul!"

"Kidding, kidding. The nurses sent him home to get some rest. He's been waiting 24/7 for you to wake up."

"How long have I been in a coma?" I asked curiously, still aware that Paul was skulking around my doorway, and he was the only one who knew I was awake.

"Three weeks," he answered. "But we thought you'd be there longer."

"Three weeks?" I echoed. "Wow..."

A long silence followed, which I broke with, "I'm gonna go tell my mom we can start packing for our road-trip to Alabama with my da-"

Dad!

I pulled back the sheets - unhooking all the drips and wires- and ran to the door. Paul grabbed me by the elbows and started pushing me back to bed. "Where'd you think you're going, Missy?" he asked. "You better rest up if you're going state-trotting."

"But my Dad!" I cried. "He's alive, I have to go see him!"

"Let him come see you," replied Paul firmly, not releasing his grip on me. "Now, back we go, Susie."

"NO!" I yelled fiercely, and shoved him to the floor. "Do you realise that I haven't seen my dad in over three months, and I thought I'd killed him?!"

"Do you realise I have a knife in my pocket?" roared Paul - though quiet enough to not alert the hospital staff.

My stomach did a flip flop as Paul rose to his feet. I took a few steps backwards against the wall, and gripped it with cold, sweaty fingers.

"What the hell are you carrying a knife around for?" I hissed, as Paul slid the lock of my room door into place.

"You never know when you're gonna need to stab something...or someone," he replied with a shrug. "Now, are you going to get back into bed, or am I going to have to make you?"

"You're insane," was my retort, but I climbed carefully back into my bed.

"I think you mean criminally insane," corrected Paul. "But hey, whoever said I was on the right side of the law?"

"If you love me," I said cautiously. "You'll get rid of that knife in right now."

"I think I'm past love now, Susie," he said, pulling it out and watching it gleam. "I know you'll never return my admiration for you. Oh yeah, I know all about your little engagement. Everybody's so happy for you, by the way. Everybody except me, that is."

"Paul, I've been in a coma," I tried to reason with him. "I haven't actually said yes yet."

"Yet," he repeated. "But you will, Susie, I know you will. You'll do anything to ensure that you're safe for the rest of your life. Yet, you're stuck in a private hospital ward with me. Funny how things turn out, hey?"

"Side-splittingly funny," I said humorlessly. "Just put-the-knife-down."

"Isn't it pretty?" said Paul, probably to himself, ignoring me. "The way it reflects the light. It glitters so bright...just like your eyes, Suze."

"If my eyes glitter so much," I said, starting to shake. "Then why are you trying to kill me?"

"I'm nowhere near you," he reported. "You're in bed, I'm up against the opposite wall. See? Metres apart."

"That's not to say you won't come any closer," I spat at him, feeling the blood run from my face.

"You're right," he said, suddenly. "I think its time we got to know each other again."

He came striding up to my bed, and climbed onto it on his knees. He dropped the knife to his side, but brought his face to touch mine. "Hello, and you are?"

"Paul-" I began, but he shook me by the shoulders.

"And you are?" he repeated, his eyes gleaming crazily.

"S-S-S-Suuuuuze," I whimpered.

"Nice to meet you, Suze," he said, smiling falsely against my chin. "But, you know? I think we'll skip the small talk. I like you, Suze. I like you a lot. I think I'll kiss you."

"No-"

Paul pressed his lips hard onto my mouth, forcing me backwards onto my pillow.

"Suze?"

I opened my eyes, to see my father outside my door. He was shaking the doorhandle, trying to get in, But it was no use. Paul had locked the door shut.

"Suze? Are you alright? Who's that boy?"

Paul groaned and sat up on me. "Is that your freaking Dad?" he asked. I nodded, frightened. "Don't hurt him," I whispered.

"Hey, Mr Simon!" he cried to my dad. He dragged me up by the collar of my nightdress. "I love your girl!"

"Suze?" my dad replied, ignoring Paul. "Honey, fight him off. I'm going for the master key. Fight him honey, fight him!"

I attempted to wriggle myself out of Paul's grip, but he turned fiercely to me, and threw me down again. "Think you're gonna escape?" he asked. "Think again."

He kissed me once more, cold and harsh, pinning my shoulders to the bed.

"Shall I tell you what I've got planned?" he asked, not waiting for an answer. "I'm going to make out with you, whether you want me to or not. And then? Then I'm going to kill you. And you can either enjoy my company, or die screaming."

"You can try anything," I said, more confident than I felt. "But Dad is going to come in, and he is going to save my life, no matter what I've done to him. But _he_ loves me. You don't love me. You're just mad. Insane. Crazy. All of the above."

Paul kissed me again, harder and harder, and I couldn't struggle. He had me down in a vice grip of iron, and I couldn't move. But it was OK. Because my Dad was coming any minute.

"Suze!"

My dad had appeared at the door again - I could see his face through the glass slot.

"I'm coming in, sweetie!"

I heard the key slide into the lock, and the lock turn.

"Shall we give him a show?" asked Paul, reaching for the knife. I raised my knee to kick him where it would surely hurt, but he just grinned.

"Nice try," he said, as the door began to open. "Just remember this, Suze. If I can't have you, no-one can."

And he rammed the knife hard into my chest, piercing my skin, sliding into my ribcage.

Just before I died, the door opened.


	36. The End

**A/N Sob! Sigh! The end is nigh!**

**Ha, that actually rhymes!**

**I guess I'm a better writer than I thought. But anyway, in all serious, this is the final chapter of Meant to Be. Yes, its been a glorious year of over 300 reviews (which I am so thankful for!), but its time to end it. I would like to thank all my buds who have reviewed faithfully, and to all the new people I've met through this fic. I hope you enjoy it. I thought it was the perfect way to end the fortnight (OK, month-long) slump I've been in since Easter.**

The End

Suddenly, from the corner of my eye, I saw a light. Funny, huh? I've been babbling this crap about what happens to a ghost once they've moved on, and now I'm about to experience it for myself.

"Get out!" I cried, excitedly. "So there really is a light?"

"Hold it, mediator," said a low voice to my left. It was like someone was controlling the lighting around here, as a sudden spotlight flickered to dress the figure in white light.

Paul. I should have known.

"I always thought you knew you were a God," I spat at him fiercely. "So that's why Kelly worshipped the ground you walked on. You worked some godlike mojo on her. God (haha) knows you have nothing else going for you-"

"Silence, Mediator, I have no time for your petty babble." Paul raised a hand to silence me. I scowled.

"Don't you shush me, Goddy two-shoes."

"I am no God, mediator, quite the contrary," came Paul's harsh whispery reply. "I am the Grim Reaper. And not this Paul you speak of."

"Haha," I said weakly. "You know, Halloween's not for ages."

"Silence!"

I crossed my arms, my fists curled. "So am I well and truly dead?" I asked, ignoring the threat. "Like, no pulse, white-skin dead?"

"You bet your Converse hi-tops you're dead," came "Grim"'s reply. He sounded a hell of a lot like Paul, if you ask me. "For now, anyway."

"Whaddya mean?" I queried, narrowing my eyes. "You mean there's a queue for your next life?"

"You will have no other life, Mediator," Grim replied solemnly. "You were born a mediator, and that's how you'll stay. Don't you know you were hand-selected to be a mediator?"

"Oh stop it," I laughed. "You're making me blush!"

"Suze," the Reaper suddenly resembled Paul again. "Be serious. This guy is not one to be messed with."

My eyebrows raised. "You're Paul!" I cried. "You great big stinking liar! You're Paul!"

"Hardly," the Reaper said. "The Grim Reaper only takes the form of what scares his victims most. And for you, this boy is your fear."

I snorted. "I'm not scared of Paul," I said meekly. "He should be scared of me."

"He killed you," he spat. "He brought sorrow to your family. He brought hate between your friends. He drove your soul to death. And you tell me you are not afraid?"

I took three steps towards him and sunk a fist straight into where his skull should be. But the Grim Reaper only laughed, as my hand went straight through his head. "You are dead," he sniggered. "You are not made from matter. This is just your soul. Remember, this is not time travel. This is death."

Suddenly, it hit me. I couldn't escape this. I couldn't make it all better with a sucker punch. I was doomed to Paul's - I mean, Grim's - company forever, and there wasn't a single damned thing to do.

"But there is," said the Reaper suddenly. Woah. Grim was telepathic too? This dude was a serious legend.

"Tell me," I demanded. "I need to make everything right!"

"Ah, your natural instincts," he replied. "To save everybody; put them before yourself. But now, mediator, you have to make a selfish choice. You have to think for yourself. Are you ready?"

But I had no time to answer, as Grim seized my wrist and we plunged into darkness.

* * *

"Dad..." I was appalled. I couldn't miss one second of Bugs and his friends.

This was me. Ten years ago. I saw my own fingers attached to my hands before me, but I also saw the little girl glued to the sofa, munching carrot sticks just like her hero.

"Aw, come on Champ. You gonna be a couch potato your whole life? Come running!"

I stopped munching. "How about you park yourself right here with Bugs and I?" I asked, mouth full.

"Remember this?" asked Grim in my ear. "Ten years ago, when you clung to your father's foot to ensure he was going to stay?"

Sure enough, my thin little pink fingers clamped around my dad's hairy leg. He lifted me off and hugged me tight. "OK champ," he said. "Just for today I'll lay off the exercise." He coughed.

My six-year-old self looked confused. "Gee Dad," I said. "You should go to the doc's, not the park. Here, I'll go get your coat. We're going now."

"In your PJs?" my dad asked amusedly.

"You bet," I said.

I turned to the Grim Reaper, and he stared back at me. "We found out he had a severe heart condition that day," I mused. "I saved his life. He called me his little guardian angel."

"That's right," said Grim. "If he had gone running, he would have died. He would have collapsed on the sidewalk, suffering from a cardiac arrest."

My six-year-old self turned around from fastening her shoes and spoke. "That's right, Suze," she said sweetly. "If he had gone running, you'd be with Jesse right now, not that bags of bones." She smiled at Grim. "Sorry, mister."

Grim grinned. "She's right," he said. He raised his scithe. "Its decision time," he continued. "Your father, and your death? Or your father's death and Jesse?"

"Jesse?" I repeated. "Who's Jesse."

Six-year-old me clapsed my hand. "The love of your life," she said, and then she disappeared into nothingness.

My dad did up his buttons, then turned to me. "Its OK, honey. You need Jesse. You're fine by yourself. I mean, look at yourself. You saved all those kids - Bryce, Tad, Michael, Jack, Neil... and now its time to save yourself." He took my hand and kissed it. "Its time to be selfish," he said. "I'll be OK."

I felt a warm tear going down my cheek. Good old Dad, ready to save me. He stroked my cheek, then turned to Grim. "Its time to save my girly," he whispered. And then he was gone.

The Grim Reaper nodded, and finally took his true, black-hooded form. He beared his teeth, lifted his scithe, and struck me hard. I fell to the floor, and opened my eyes.

* * *

"Susannah?" came a low voice in my ear. "Susannah? Are you OK?"

"Suzy?" came the shriek of my mother. "Oh, Suzy, you gave us all quite a scare!"

"Gee Suze, collapse when I'm at computer camp why don't you?" asked David, his eyes wider than usual.

Brad knocked my shoulder gently. "I'm late for wrestling because of you, you know."

I moved my stiff neck to look at the first person who had greeted me, and my heart sang. It was Jesse, I knew it was. It still wasn't registering properly yet, but I loved him. This was man I had lived for. The man I needed.

"Jesse," I whispered, as he kissed my forehead.

"Susannah," he said gently. "Are you OK?"

I smiled broadly. "Oh yeah," I said, sitting up. "I'm going to be just fine."


End file.
